


Oh Take Us Back To The Start

by Raynecloud254



Category: The 100 (TV)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-06
Updated: 2020-08-28
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:47:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 34,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23042722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raynecloud254/pseuds/Raynecloud254
Relationships: Abby Griffin/Marcus Kane, Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin, Bellarke - Relationship, Finn Collins/Raven Reyes, Octavia Blake/Lincoln, linctavia
Comments: 15
Kudos: 49





	1. One

Clarke wasn't sure what she was expecting when she walked into the anomaly, but she definitely didn't expect to come face to face with Octavia. From the way Hope had described it, she figured she would enter another world...or an alternate time frame? Clarke glanced around, looking for some indication of where the hell she was, and felt her heart thud when her eyes found Bellamy's; he was supposed to stay with the others. Bellamy took a step toward his sister, but Octavia just smiled and shook her head, motioning for him to stop moving.

"There isn't much time, you guys can't stay here and you have a choice to make...as usual." Octavia rolled her eyes and gestured to something behind them.

Clarke frowned in confusion when she saw the two doors and turned back to Octavia. "What the hell is this?"

Octavia sighed and offered Clarke a sad smile. Clarke could see that Octavia was trying really hard to mask her emotions. It made no sense. Clarke's stomach began twisting into knots the way it always did when something bad was about to happen, and she felt Bellamy lean into her ever so slightly.

"Explaining what this place...this _thing_ is, will take too much time so all I can tell you guys is that if you walk through the green door, you will go right back to the others. It will be like you never left, and you will tell them that you didn't find me. You'll all move on and help rebuild Sanctum...all of you will actually be happy." Octavia explained quickly, her voice held a tone of desperation. 

Bellamy furrowed his brow and placed his hands on his hips. "We walk through that door and that's it? We never get to see you again?"

"Yes." Octavia replied, unable to meet her big brothers eyes.

"And the red door?" Clarke wondered, feeling ice wash over her body.

Octavia met Clarke's gaze. "It will take you back to the beginning, you'll have a chance to do things differently."

Suddenly the crushing weight that always rested on Clarke's shoulders got significantly lighter, as the words sunk in. "We can go back?"

"You'll wake up in the dropship," Octavia confirmed, shooting a pained look at her older brother. "The thing is...only one of you can go."

Clarke heard Bellamy inhale and exhale sharply; she turned to face him, wiping her sweaty palms on her pants nervously. Bellamy met her eyes, and Clarke was relieved to see that he looked as afraid as she felt. At least she wasn't alone in that. They stared at each other for a moment, a million thoughts swirling around in Clarke's mind. Who would be the one to go? What would happen to everyone else? If they were successful in changing the past, the others wouldn't have to carry all the loss and pain and betrayal anymore, they could save Wells and Finn, her mother wouldn't have to die. But was it right of her? Going back would mean Bellamy never having met Echo, Murphy never knowing Emori...and what about Madi? Clarke glanced between Bellamy and Octavia, studying their faces, trying to imprint the image in her brain so she would always remember them as they were in that moment. She knew that Bellamy would volunteer to go, that he would probably fight with her and try to make her return to the others, but Clarke had to be the one...she would bear it for the rest of them. 

"Clarke..." Bellamy started, his hand closing gently around her wrist. 

"No." Clarke shook her head, feeling the familiar sting of tears in her eyes. "If you go, you'll be living in a world where Echo is still trapped in Mount Weather, she won't know you Bellamy. If I go, you'll forget about all the bad blood between you and your sister...I can make sure it doesn't happen."

Bellamy sighed impatiently and shot his sister a pleading look before focusing his attention back on Clarke. 

"What about Madi?" He countered, raising an eyebrow.

Clarke's heart clenched painfully and she felt a single tear slide down her cheek. Her daughter wasn't going to know who she was anymore, and Clarke would have to live with that until Primfaya.

"I'll figure out a way for you to meet Echo again, I promise." Was her only reply; it hurt too much to think about leaving Madi.

Octavia cleared her throat and shuffled nervously. "I know this is hard, but you need to make a choice and you need to make it now."

Clarke wiped the tears from her face and let out a shaky breath, her eyes locked on Bellamy's. She opened her mouth to tell him that it had to be her, that she wasn't going to let him be the one to suffer alone, but all that came out was a choked apology before she crushed herself to his chest in a suffocating embrace. Bellamy's arms circled around her and Clarke heard him let out a huff that might have been a laugh in any other situation, but in that moment it just sounded defeated. Clarke wondered if he was remembering how much they had hated each other at the start.

"Hey," Bellamy said softly, leaning back so he could see Clarke's face. "I'll see you soon, okay?"

Clarke laughed, but it sounded more like a sob, and nodded quickly as she stepped out of his arms. Yes she would see him soon, but she would be a stranger to him all over again. She squared her shoulders and slowly approached the red door; she felt like her legs might give out. Casting one last glance at Bellamy, Clarke stepped forward and opened the door.


	2. Two

Clarke's head was pounding; that was the first thing she was aware of. The next thing, was that she knew when she opened her eyes Bellamy wouldn't know who she was...he might even hate her. There were muffled voices all around her but she was able to vaguely make out someone saying her name, but they sounded far away. After a few long minutes, the voices grew louder and more clear, and Clarke slowly opened her eyes to check her surroundings. The ceiling of the dropship had never looked so good.

"Clarke? Can you hear me?" The sound of Octavia's voice filled her ears, and it took every ounce of her self restraint to not burst into tears.

Slowly, she turned her head and met her friend's eyes. She was looking at her, worry written all over her beautiful face, and Clarke felt her lips spreading into a smile. A wave of emotions washed over Clarke as she studied Octavia's face. She wanted to hug her, to tell her she was sorry...but she couldn't do any of those things because this Octavia wouldn't understand, and Clarke wasn't sure if she could tell her. So she settled on taking her hand and allowing Octavia to help her get to her feet.

"Are we there? On the ground?" Clarke wondered, unable to take her eyes off of the younger Blake.

Octavia nodded, shooting her a confused but relieved smile and motioning for everyone to get out of the dropship. "Yeah, we have been for a few days now Clarke...You must have really hit your head hard."

Clarke felt a lump starting to lodge itself in her throat as she glanced around the now empty dropship. Something that had once been so cramped and crowded, now felt like the best place in the world. She was home and it felt so good, even the smell of it was somehow inviting. 

"What happened?" She wondered, wincing in pain as she gingerly touched the back of her head.

Octavia shrugged and handed her a canteen. "Bellamy said you passed out on the way back to camp and hit your head on a rock when you fell...what do you remember?"

Clarke didn't know how to answer; she remembered all of it, even the things that hadn't happened yet. But she couldn't exactly tell Octavia that, so Clarke just pursed her lips. If she had been walking with Bellamy, that would mean that they were somewhat working together...and that would put them any time after Murphy's banishment. Clarke felt her heart sink into her stomach as the memories came flooding back.

"Wells and Charlotte?" Her voice was barely a whisper, and her throat felt as dry as the dead zone.

Octavia grabbed her hand and pulled Clarke in for a tight embrace, and Clarke couldn't stop the choked noise that bubbled passed her lips; even after 130 years, it still hurt like it had the first time. They stayed like that for a while, just leaning on each other while Clarke tried to compose herself. She knew that she needed to talk to Bellamy, but she didn't know if she was allowed to tell him everything. Octavia had said that only one of them was allowed to come back, that must have meant that there were rules to whatever... _thing_ or place they had been in. What would happen if she did tell him? Would she screw it all up? Bellamy probably wouldn't believe her anyway. The more she thought about it, the more frustrated she became; Clarke felt helpless. She knew what _not_ to do, what to avoid to keep them all alive...for the most part at least. However, after always being able to count on Bellamy, she didn't know how to do any of it without him anymore. She needed him.

"If you're feeling up to it, Monty says the wristband thing is a go. We were just waiting for you to wake up." Octavia whispered after a while.

Clarke opened her mouth to tell the other girl that it wasn't going to work, but shut it and nodded before following Octavia up the ladder where she was greeted by the young and smiling faces of the friends she'd thought she would never see again. The sight was enough to suck the air from her lungs, leaving a warm but jagged feeling in her chest that ached even more when she met Finn's eyes. He was looking at her with that boyish grin she had fallen in love with so long ago, and she couldn't help but smile back as butterflies erupted in her stomach; damn teenage hormones. It hurt to see him, knowing that in a few minutes they would kiss for the first time, and in twenty four hours Raven would show up; none of them aware that Clarke had killed Finn once upon a time. Clarke had been the one to kill him and he'd _thanked_ her for it. The memory made her sick.

Clarke was so wrapped up in her own thoughts that the sound of Finn storming out of the upper level made her jump; Jasper had fried the wristbands. He glanced around the room, a guilty and defeated look on his face, and Clarke squeezed his shoulder softly to try and comfort him.

"I'm cursed." Jasper muttered, glaring at the floor.

"You're not cursed, you're brave." Octavia scoffed before planting a kiss on his cheek and ruffling his hair.

Warmth bloomed in Clarke's chest and she had to turn away from her friends so they wouldn't see the tears in her eyes; it felt so good to have them all back. Once she was certain her eyes wouldn't betray her, Clarke excused herself and hurried out of the dropship after Finn. She knew that he was in the bunker, and she knew what would happen if she went to him but as hard as she tried to talk herself out of it, her feet and heart had a mind of their own. They carried her through the woods as she argued with herself; Finn didn't know that Raven was on her way to them, but Clarke did. She didn't have to kiss him, she could just talk to him and be a good friend, they didn't have to sleep together...but _god_ she wanted to.

When Clarke reached the bunker, Finn was in the process of throwing things and cussing in frustration, but he stopped when she grabbed his arms and made him look at her. There was fear in his wide eyes, and an anger that Clarke hadn't noticed the first time, but she saw it now and it reminded her of the Finn that had massacred an entire village. Somehow it was enough to chase the longing and lust from her mind.

"We will figure something out, we'll find a way to talk to the Ark." Clarke assured him, her voice soft.

Finn opened his mouth like he was about to argue, but then he sighed and sank down on to the couch. 

"Just once, I wish we could catch a break." Finn whispered after a long silence.

Clarke nodded her head in agreement, plopping down next to him. Her lips twitched up into a smile and she turned to look at him.

"Maybe we'll get lucky and a radio will just fall out of the sky." She chuckled, unable to help herself.

Finn scoffed, but that boyish grin was back making her heart race again. Clarke leaned her head back against the wall and took a deep breath as she thought about what the hell she was going to do. She needed to find a way to make peace with the Grounders, hopefully before they sent Murphy back with that virus, and she had to come up with a plan to get Echo out of the mountain...for Bellamy. What she needed was to talk to Lexa. Lincoln could probably get her an audience...but had Octavia met him yet? Clarke closed her eyes and swallowed her frustration; how the hell was she supposed to fix everything if she couldn't even come up with a plan to talk to the Grounders?

"What are you thinking about?" Finn wondered, pulling her out of her thoughts.

"How I'm going to keep all of us alive." Clarke sighed, fiddling with the watch on her wrist.

Finn reached over and rested his hand on her knee. "You don't have to do that alone you know."

Clarke smiled and tilted her head to meet his eyes. He was looking at her with admiration and something else...maybe love. They had loved each other once. His gaze lowered to her lips, and Clarke was so tempted to just let him kiss her, but she knew how hurt Raven would be and Raven deserved happiness. So Clarke cleared her throat, effectively bursting _that_ bubble, and got to her feet.

Finn stood up with a sigh, and studied Clarke for a moment with a perplexed expression on his face. "Did I do something wrong?"

"No, it's just that..." Clarke bit her lip and made her way over to the ladder. "I just can't..."

"Is there someone else?" Finn asked, sounding like he'd been punched in the gut.

Clarke drew in a deep breath, and after a short pause, she nodded slowly before climbing out of the bunker. Because there was someone else, just not for her.

The walk back to the dropship was tense and quiet, and Clarke's head was in overdrive trying to come up with a plan. At least Finn didn't feel like talking. She needed to talk to Bellamy, to bounce some of her ideas off him and see what he thought. _You guys aren't all buddy buddy yet, remember?_ Clarke felt like screaming. Her mood soured even more when they walked into camp and Bellamy was nowhere in sight; he was supposed to be on watch. Grumbling under her breath, Clarke stalked off to find Octavia in hopes that the younger Blake would know where he was. She wanted to find him before Raven's pod landed and he tried to destroy the radio, and Clarke just really missed him. Clarke shook her head, feeling annoyed with herself. She had lived without him for six years and managed to not be a baby about it, how was this any different? She made her choice and now she had to deal with it.

Lost in thought and angry with herself, Clarke stomped into the dropship and ran into something warm and solid. Clarke let out a surprised yelp as she staggered backward, just barely managing to stay on her feet. Bellamy stared at her for a second, and then his old trademark scowl darkened his face; it was almost laughable that she had had that big of an effect on his mood. 

"Out for a late night, concussed stroll?" Bellamy deadpanned, cocking his head to the side and leveling her with a disapproving look that would have had some of the younger kids shaking in their boots.

Clarke gawked up at him for a moment, her mind having gone completely blank. She probably looked like an idiot, but seeing him again so young and so different from the Bellamy that she knew...it was a shock to the system.

"I don't have a concussion." She replied after regaining her composure.

Bellamy raised an eyebrow and folded his arms over his chest. "Octavia said you didn't remember anything when you finally woke up. Sounds like a concussion to me, Princess."

"Well I'm fine." Clarke snapped back, narrowing her eyes at him.

"Alright then." Bellamy muttered, brushing past her and making his way toward his tent.

Clarke sighed and rubbed the spot between her eyes, suddenly feeling drained of all her energy. The condescending tone in his voice made Clarke's blood boil; had he always been such an ass? She understood now why it had taken them so long to become friends; they were both so god damn stubborn. But there were more important things to worry about, Clarke needed to remember that. She needed her best friend...

"Bellamy..." His name came out ragged and fast; she sounded helpless and unsure.

He stopped abruptly and turned to face her, genuine concern replaced the scowl as he waited for Clarke to continue; he appeared to be as stunned by the desperation in her voice as she was. Clarke didn't know what to say, she hadn't even meant to call after him. She opened and closed her mouth a few times, her head spinning with a thousand questions he wouldn't be able to answer, and she was thankful that Bellamy chose that moment to be patient with her, because she had no clue where to go from there as she approached him. If it were _her_ Bellamy, Clarke wouldn't have needed to say anything, he would just know and he would know how to comfort her. This Bellamy still didn't trust her, or even particularly like her for that matter...but the man in front of her, waiting patiently with worry in his warm brown eyes, and the man she had left behind in Sanctum...they were the same Bellamy.

"We have to make peace with the Grounders before we end up in the middle of a war that we can't win, and if we don't figure out a way to contact the Ark, they will start decreasing the population to preserve oxygen." Clarke blurted before she said something else that would only confuse him.

Clarke watched as he processed the information, his hands on his hips and his eyes boring holes into the dirt as he tapped his foot. She could almost hear his thoughts when he looked at her again and exhaled slowly; what the hell were they going to do? Clarke huffed and rubbed her forehead, her heart racing as she tried to come up with at least a half-assed solution. She knew the way to Polis, but there was no way she would make it there alive on her own...it all depended on Octavia meeting Lincoln. But how could she tell Bellamy that his little sister had to be kidnapped by a Grounder? He would never go for it. Clarke knew that they just had to wait for Raven to arrive, but she couldn't exactly tell him that, and it was driving her insane. Bellamy swore quietly and tilted his head back to look at the sky. The moon was bright and it illuminated his face, making the freckles that dusted his nose and cheeks stand out; Clarke had the urge to reach out and touch them. She grimaced and shoved that thought to the back of her mind, crossing her arms tightly, and ignored the fact that Bellamy was watching her out of the corner of his eye now. 

"We have no way to solve either of those problems right now Princess." Bellamy muttered after a while, dragging a hand over his face.

"I know." Clarke whispered, closing her eyes for a second. "I just..."

"You needed to get it off your chest." Bellamy finished for her, shrugging casually.

Clarke hummed in agreement, feeling herself relax ever so slightly when Bellamy's arm brushed against hers. It wasn't much, but it made her feel like she wasn't alone, like she had her partner back. Maybe this wasn't just a chance for them to do things differently and save everyone, maybe it was a way for her and Bellamy to start over...even if she did have to remember all the pain she had once put him through. But did she really want that? _It didn't matter either way, because Bellamy would never know the difference now_. 

"I'll see you tomorrow?" Clarke yawned, slowly starting toward her tent.

Bellamy offered her a tired smile. "See you tomorrow Princess."


	3. Three

"Princess." 

Clarke glanced up from the botched stitch job she was attempting on Harper's leg, and nodded at a serious looking Bellamy. Upon a second glance, Clarke noticed that he had a swollen eye that was already beginning to bruise and a cut on his cheek that was still attempting to bleed. She didn't remember this happening the first time...

"What happened?" Clarke demanded, levelling him with a disapproving look.

Bellamy chuckled as he leaned against the ladder. "Miller dropped a log on me putting together the south side of the wall."

Clarke shook her head, dabbing moonshine on Harper's wound, before telling the girl she was clear to go but had to take it easy. Once Harper had hobbled out of the dropship, Clarke motioned for Bellamy to sit down across from her.

"I'm fine, Clarke." Bellamy sighed, his breath tickling her face. He hissed quietly as she gently touched his cheek, wiping some blood from the wound.

"Maybe, but the last thing we need around here is for you to get an infection." Clarke murmured, gently using a moonshine soaked cloth to clean the cut.

Bellamy regarded her with a look she couldn't quite place as she leaned back in her chair and slid a plate of barely touched rabbit leg over to him; he shot her another look...this one was quizzical, bordering a scold.

"You should finish that." Bellamy said.

Clarke scrunched up her nose and shook her head, waving for him to go ahead. "No, I'm not very hungry. You were on wall duty all day, you're probably starving."

Bellamy opened his mouth like he was going to argue, but decided against it and grumbled a thank you as he pulled the rabbit back to him and polished it off quickly. The truth was, Clarke was finding it hard to eat anything, all the stress of saving the world made her stomach roll. Food only seemed to make it worse. She hoped that Raven's arrival would ease some of the anxiety, once they had a radio things wouldn't be so crazy...maybe. 

"Hey, I have something to show you." Clarke stood up and stretched, realizing she hadn't moved from her spot since Harper had come in bleeding all over the place.

"Okay?" Bellamy got to his feet and followed Clarke outside, frowning when she called for Miller to keep an eye on things for a bit.

Right, her and Miller weren't friends yet.

They walked in silence for a while; Clarke was just happy to be moving and not be cooped up in the dropship anymore. Bellamy seemed content in the silence, and she imagined it must be nice for him to enjoy some peace and quiet after days of working on the wall and trying to keep their camp running smoothly. So, Clarke let herself enjoy the peace and quiet too. She'd missed these days, when all they had to worry about was a potential Grounder attack, the Grounders were mole hills compared to the rest of the crap Clarke had been through...would go through? She needed to focus.

"You know Princess, if you wanted to get me alone, all you had to do was ask." Bellamy teased when Clarke finally stopped walking.

Clarke scoffed and rolled her eyes as she bent down to reveal the door to her and Finn's bunker, smirking at the surprise on his face.

"Finn found it." Clarke shrugged once Bellamy was inside.

She watched him take in the small space with his hands on his hips, and suddenly Clarke felt guilty for not showing him sooner...or at all. It wouldn't be much use to the others, but it was a good place to escape the acid fog or a Grounder attack, or just to escape for a while. Clarke thought back to the day Bellamy had planned on running away... She heaved a sigh and sat down on the couch, picking at a frayed spot in the cushions while Bellamy looked around. Clarke already knew that he wouldn't find anything useful, her and Finn had already checked, but he might want to bring the blankets back to camp; she hadn't thought of that. She hadn't thought of a lot of things back then either...

"Well, there isn't much here that can help us." Bellamy admitted, plopping down beside her. "We can take the blankets though."

Clarke felt her lips twitch up into a smile and she nodded, her eyes glued to the hole she had managed to pick into the cushion, it was like he had read her mind. God she missed him.

"So you and Space Walker huh?" Bellamy chuckled, shooting her a smirk.

Clarke tried her best not to wince and she shook her head. "No, no definitely not."

Bellamy arched an eyebrow and pursed his lips, looking like he didn't quite believe her which only rubbed more salt in the wound. Because she didn't believe it either...she had loved him. A part of her always would too, and if she managed to do things right this time around, she would have to see him all the time. Thankfully, Bellamy just let it go.

"It's getting late, we should head back." Bellamy said after a few minutes of comfortable silence.

Clarke cleared her throat and got to her feet, rolling one of the blankets up and stuffing it into her pack while Bellamy did the same to another one. She was happy to see that the sun had already gone down when she climbed out of the bunker; Raven would be arriving soon. They started making their way back to camp, and Clarke forced herself to pay attention to the things Bellamy was saying about setting up a hunting party, but she kept her eyes on the sky. 

"You aren't even listening." Bellamy muttered, snapping her out of her thoughts.

"I'm listening, sorry...just want to get back to camp before we run into a Grounder or something." Clarke sighed, rubbing her forehead.

Bellamy frowned and opened his mouth to say something, but he became distracted by something above Clarke's head. Raven's pod. Clarke felt a weight lift off of her shoulders at the sight of the pod plummeting toward the ground, and she took a step in the direction she knew it would be landing.

"Woah, what are you doing?" Bellamy grabbed her arm, effectively stopping her.

"That came from the Ark Bellamy, we have to check it out before the Grounders get to it." Clarke explained, pulling her arm out of his grasp.

Bellamy shook his head and placed his hands on his hips, leveling her with his classic Bellamy Blake look of disapproval.

"We can go once it's light out, but right now we should get these blankets back to camp and make sure none of those kids decide to go looking for whatever that was." He argued, sounding almost bored.

Clarke resisted the urge to call him out on the real reason he didn't want her to go, and settled for squaring her shoulders while fixing him with a determined glare.

"You can head back to camp, but I'm going to find that pod. It could have a radio, proper medical supplies...hell maybe even guns. I'm not sitting around waiting for the Grounders to take away our chance at survival." She snapped, arching an eyebrow challengingly.

Bellamy narrowed his eyes at her for a long moment, before sighing and motioning for her to lead the way.


	4. Four

With Raven finally on the ground, and the radio giving them contact to the Ark, Clarke thought that the suffocating weight on her chest would ease; it only seemed to get worse. Each day she woke up it took her a little longer to remember her mission, to remember that she was there to give them all a better life. It was like her future self and past self were fading and soon Clarke wouldn't remember any of it...it felt like she was running out of time. And that's how Bellamy found her, chest heaving with anxiety, surrounded by pictures of her memories that she had hastily sketched on anything she could draw on. The wall of her tent was a mess of charcoal faces and landscapes, her hands were stained black and shaking, and when Bellamy met her eyes with genuine concern and confusion, Clarke's knees gave out and she dropped down on to her cot.

"Hey, you okay?" Bellamy wondered softly, taking a small step toward her.

Clarke drew in a ragged breath and rubbed her forehead, probably leaving a black smear in the process, as she glanced around her tent at all the images. 

"There's so much to do, and I'm running out of time..." Clarke whispered, feeling the anxiety sucking more air from her lungs.

Bellamy furrowed his brow and knelt down in front of her, reaching out to squeeze her arm.

"The rest of our people will get here soon, and then we can figure out how to reach out to the Grounders. We've got time Princess." He cracked a reassuring smile after finally catching her eye.

Clarke attempted to smile back as she rubbed her hands on her pants. She needed to get Raven working on a way to shut down the remaining nuclear reactors before the melt down, she had to find a way to talk to Lexa without getting herself killed, and she needed to figure out how to get the Grounders out of Mount Weather without her people being harvested for bone marrow in the process. Clarke's head was spinning as each scenario played in her mind, and the possibility of everything going wrong made her stomach turn. It didn't help that she couldn't tell Bellamy what she knew...he would think she was crazy.

"Did you need something?" Clarke asked after a moment, trying to distract herself from the end of the world.

"I was actually coming to see if Octavia was with you." Bellamy confessed, scratching the back of his neck nervously.

Clarke frowned and shook her head. "I haven't seen her... Did you check the butterfly field?"

"I've looked everywhere I can think of." There was no hiding the stress in his voice.

Clarke nodded and got to her feet, she was pretty sure she knew where the younger Blake was and it gave her an idea. She slung her pack over her shoulder and followed Bellamy out of her tent, ignoring the smirks they received from Jasper and Monty. Clarke wasn't sure if it was a good idea to bring Bellamy along to Lincoln's cave, but she knew he probably wouldn't stay behind if she asked him to so she just prayed that for once he could keep his shit together. If he couldn't...one of them would most likely get stabbed. Clarke cringed at the memory of Finn lying on the table, bloody and poisoned.

"Raven!" Clarke called, spotting the mechanics red jacket.

Raven looked up from whatever she was tinkering with and grinned . "Hey check it out, I think I can make walkies out of the fried coms from the dropship."

"Really? That's great...perfect actually." Clarke chuckled and nodded approvingly.

"Yeah, I just need-"

"Clarke, you coming?" Bellamy interrupted.

Finn poked his head out of his and Raven's tent, and glanced between the two of them quizzically; he didn't even try to mask the hurt on his face.

"Yeah, I'll meet you at the gate in a minute." Clarke assured him, ignoring Finn and turning her attention back to Raven. "I need you to talk to Sinclair and find a way to shut down the remaining nuclear reactors."

Raven's eyes widened for a moment and then she scoffed, as if she was waiting for Clarke to finish a joke. When Clarke didn't say anything, the mechanic swore under her breath and fiddled with her necklace for a moment.

"Okay...I'll see what I can do." Raven said slowly, looking at Clarke like she had lost her mind.

Clarke nodded, and then handed Raven a piece of paper with a map drawn on it. "If Bellamy and I aren't back by tomorrow, look for us in these caves."

Raven took the paper wordlessly, judging by the look on her face, Clarke would have a million questions to answer when she got back. She offered her friend a smile before turning and making her way to the gate where Bellamy was waiting for her. He sighed and muttered something under his breath when she stopped beside him, and motioned for Miller to open the gate. They set off in silence, Bellamy following Clarke without question, and despite the worry she could practically feel rolling off of him, it was a comforting silence.

Clarke led the way for a while, pointing out the occasional plant that they could use as she stopped to put some in her pack, and Bellamy trailed slightly behind her like he always did; watching her back. She knew he was probably getting impatient with their slow pace and her foraging on a potential rescue mission, but surprisingly he didn't say anything...Clarke actually found that strange. The Bellamy she remembered would have been barking at her to "never mind with the damn plants" or "can you move any faster?", but he was keeping quiet, even stopping to help her gather more of that seaweed she had used to treat Jasper's infection.

"Clarke, we're too far from camp...she wouldn't have gone this far by herself." Bellamy sighed as the sun climbed higher in the sky.

Clarke pointed to the opening of a cave. "When we went looking for Mount Weather, we came across a tunnel system. Octavia wanted to explore it but I told her to wait until we had brought food and other supplies back to the dropship."

It was a lie, but Bellamy didn't need to know that.

"You think she went in there alone?" Bellamy frowned and shook his head. "Clarke, she was locked under the floor on the Ark for 16 years. The last place my sister would go would be a cave."

"It's Octavia." Clarke shrugged. 

Bellamy sighed, glancing at the cave in disbelief. After a few minutes he threw his hands up in defeat and trudged toward the entrance. Despite the danger they were about to put themselves in, Clarke couldn't help but smirk as she followed him into Lincoln's hideout. She didn't remember it being so dark or taking so long to get there...but that had been years ago. Clarke was actually starting to think they were in the wrong spot, but then she heard a shuffle followed by a pained grunt up ahead. She grabbed Bellamy's arm and signaled for him to be quiet as she silently slipped in front of him; if they were going to run into Lincoln, Clarke wanted to be the one he saw first. They continued forward, making as little noise as they could, until the tunnel opened up and Clarke's eyes zeroed in on a figure curled up in the corner.

"Octavia?" She whispered, taking another step forward.

The figure stirred, causing the sound of rattling chains to fill the space.

"Octavia, it's Clarke..." Clarke whispered, kneeling down to get a better look.

Now that she was closer, Clarke could see the Ark issued jump suit covering Octavia's small frame and when the younger girl groaned and peered up through her dirt coated hair, Clarke let out a sigh of relief.

"Bellamy, help me with these chains." Clarke instructed, noticing the flickering of fire light getting closer.

Clarke got to her feet as Bellamy set to work trying to pick the lock on Octavia's shackles, and she stood protectively between the Blake's and whoever was coming down the tunnel. Her heart was hammering in her chest as a torch flooded the room with light and a large man came to a startled halt in front of her. Clarke heard Bellamy bark at her to get behind him, she heard Octavia tell them not to hurt each other, but she simply reached out and motioned for Bellamy to be quiet. Relieved that Lincoln hadn't tried to kill them yet.

"We just came for Octavia." Clarke's voice was calm, which was a surprise considering how terrified she was.

Lincoln's eyes darted around, studying them all without saying a word.

"We mean no harm, you have my word. Let Bellamy take Octavia back to our camp...and you and I can talk." Clarke never took her eyes off of the warrior as she slowly crouched down and set her knife on the ground.

Bellamy muttered something but Clarke ignored him and slowly stood up straight, holding her hands out to show Lincoln she was weaponless. The Grounder narrowed his eyes at her and nodded toward the gun tucked at Bellamy's hip. She nodded and nudged Bellamy with her foot.

"Put your gun on the ground." She said evenly, not breaking eye contact with Lincoln.

"Are you insane?" Bellamy snapped.

"Just do it Bellamy." Clarke chanced a look over her shoulder to glare at her co-leader.

They glowered at each other for a long moment before Bellamy swore and grudgingly grabbed the gun, made a show of taking out the clip, and tossed it away from them. He narrowed his eyes at Lincoln, a warning look, and leaned in to whisper in Clarke's ear.

"If we get out of this alive, I am going to kill you." He hissed dangerously.

Clarke suppressed a shiver and squared her shoulders, arching her eyebrow at Lincoln expectantly. It took a minute, but eventually he tossed a key to Clarke, huffed and stepped away from the tunnel. Clarke let out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding and quickly freed Octavia of the chains. The younger girls knee was in pretty bad shape, there was no way Octavia would be walking on it, so Bellamy agreed to carry her. With his arms full, Clarke figured it would be fine to give him the gun so she picked it up and tucked it back against Bellamy's hip, despite the dark look she received from Lincoln.

"I'll be right behind you." Clarke assured her friends as Bellamy set off down the tunnel.

Once she was sure they were out of ear shot, Clarke turned her attention back to Lincoln; he was glaring at her with his arms folded over his chest.

"What do you want Sky Girl?" He demanded.

"I want an audience with the Commander." Clarke replied, feeling very small under his angry gaze.

Her answer seemed to catch him off guard, and Lincoln could only blink at her for a moment in disbelief. If she wasn't careful, he might think she was a spy for Azgeda.

"I told you that we aren't here to hurt you, and I mean that. My people were sent here to see if Earth is survivable so the rest of my people can join us. I need to speak to Lex- to the Commander about peace, so we aren't living in fear of each other." Clarke continued when he didn't respond.

"Even if I could get the Commander to see you, you have nothing to offer our people. Your people are weak." Lincoln finally spoke, his voice cold and devoid of any emotion.

Clarke felt her heart sink into her stomach; if she couldn't even convince Lincoln, how the hell was she supposed to win over Lexa? _Think Clarke, think!_ How had she done it the first time...Clarke's blood ran cold as a memory of Lincoln strapped to the floor of the dropship played in her mind.

"I can turn Reapers back to men."


	5. Five

"So wait, you _lied_ to a _Grounder_ and now he is bringing his Grounder friends to our _camp_?" Jasper was glancing, wide eyed, between Clarke and Bellamy.

Clarke sighed and shook her head; she'd already had the same argument with Bellamy the whole way back from the caves, and once again with the council members on the Ark earlier that morning.

"I didn't lie, I know how to heal their people...we just don't have the equipment down here to do it." Clarke explained, absolutely exhausted.

"Okay so we're still screwed." Finn muttered, meeting Clarke's eyes for a brief moment.

Clarke wanted to scream. They weren't screwed, they just needed more time...which they didn't have; Lincoln would be there with Indra and Anya in two days, and they were bringing a Reaper for Clarke to heal. She regretted it the moment the words had left her mouth, because there were so many other ways she could have convinced Lincoln to take her to Polis. Now she had two days to figure out a way to keep the Reaper's heart beating long enough for the drug to leave its system. They were kind of screwed. At least she had warned Jaha about Diana Sydney and her plan to highjack the exodus ship.

"We still have time." Bellamy assured them, shifting so his arm brushed Clarke's. "If Clarke says she can do it, she can do it."

Clarke glanced up at Bellamy in surprise; where was this coming from? He didn't look at her, Bellamy was looking at Finn with narrowed eyes and a dangerous set to his jaw. 

"Lincoln said that the Reaper's are injected with something at Mount Weather, and it turns them into monsters. If I can keep the Reaper alive long enough for the drug to run its course...I can save them, I just need to keep their heart beating." Clarke explained, watching Bellamy out of the corner of her eye.

"And if the heart stops?" Finn asked, folding his arms over his chest.

Clarke looked around at her friends, wishing she could tell them it would all be okay. If the Reaper's heart stopped and she couldn't get it beating again, Indra would probably waste no time in cutting off her head. Her people would most likely be killed next, or if they were lucky, they would be sold as slaves. The expression on her face must have said it all because no one asked anymore questions, Finn shook his head and walked away, while Jasper gulped nervously and focussed his attention on Octavia who was struggling to get to her feet, even with Bellamy's help. Clarke drew in a deep breath and exhaled slowly, scanning the camp for Raven because if anyone could make a shock baton out of nothing, it would be her. She spotted the mechanic ducking into the coms tent with Finn right behind her, and Clarke swallowed a groan; she did not want to deal with Finn anymore.

"Monty!" Clarke called, offering her friend a wide smile as he approached her.

"You look like you're about to ask a favour." Monty pointed out, returning the smile anyway.

"I need you and Raven to make a shock baton." Clarke explained trying to sound casual.

Monty raised an eyebrow questioningly but nodded his head slowly. After a moment of pondering, he snapped his fingers and hurried into the dropship waving at Clarke over his shoulder. One problem in progress...now she just had to go to the bunker for the guns. Another problem, was Dax. Clarke wasn't sure if he still wanted to kill her and Bellamy, she didn't even know if she had seen him around since she came back to the ground. What if he had died already? Or ended up being banished with Murphy? Clarke looked around, doing a full lap of the camp, but Dax was nowhere to be found; it didn't ease her worry.

"What's this I hear about a shock baton?" 

Clarke jumped and whirled around to see Bellamy leaning against the dropship, his arms crossed and his trademark smirk plastered on his face. He was probably smirking because he'd startled her.

"To restart the Reaper's heart if it stops." Clarke huffed, ignoring the way he was still grinning from sneaking up on her. "How do you feel about making a day trip? There's an old supply depot Jaha told me about, we might find something useful there."

Bellamy regarded her skeptically for a moment, his face was unreadable, which was still new to Clarke after being able to tell exactly what was going through his head for so long.

"Why are _you_ asking _me_?" Bellamy wondered, sounding genuinely confused.

"Because right now I don't feel like being around anyone I actually like." Clarke couldn't help but smile as she shrugged and brushed a piece of hair out of her face.

Bellamy scoffed but nodded and told Clarke to meet him at the gate in twenty minutes, then he set off toward his tent. Clarke went to check on Octavia's knee and Harper's stitches while she waited for Bellamy, and she snatched up a couple packs of nuts and some dried rabbit meat to take with them; she remembered the effects of the nuts and opted for tossing them into the fire. Since they weren't in danger of being attacked by Grounders for the time being, Clarke debated if she should tell the others not to eat the nuts...but would they even listen to her? A bunch of kids with no adult authority, being told not to eat the Jobi Nuts because if they did, they would wind up tripping balls. Clarke laughed to herself and decided to let them figure it out on their own; the kids deserved a little bit of fun anyway. Bellamy caught her eye as she was tucking a knife into her boot, and she knew it was time to go. They headed out side by side after letting everyone know they would be back by dark, and that Miller and Raven were in charge until they returned. 

Clarke kept her head on a swivel as they trekked through the woods, and she couldn't shake the feeling that someone was following them. Maybe she was just paranoid, but every time she turned around, the only one behind her was Bellamy who was starting to look way too amused for her liking; he was laughing at her.

" _What_?" Clarke snapped, slightly out of breath from climbing a hill.

"Nothing." Bellamy smirked, popping a Jobi Nut into his mouth.

Clarke wondered how many of those he had already eaten as she plucked them out of his hand and hurled them into the bushes.

"What's going on with you? You've been acting weird all day." Bellamy quipped, frowning down at his empty hand.

Clarke stopped walking and sighed, folding her arms over her chest, she fixed Bellamy with a stern look and arched an eyebrow. She'd been acting weird since she woke up back in the dropship after being gone for 130 years, but he didn't need to know that. 

"Are you planning on running away?" She deadpanned, the tone of her voice letting him know she already knew the answer.

Bellamy blinked at her, that trademark smirk long gone and replaced by complete bewilderment; it was almost comical...almost. Had he not actually been considering it, if the threat of Bellamy actually leaving her didn't exist, then maybe it would have been funny. But it was real and Clarke wasn't sure if she would be able to convince him to stay this time around. Before, they had Dax to thank for bringing them closer but Clarke didn't even know if Dax was still alive or if he even existed at all; things were happening that hadn't happened the first time.

"I saw you take a lot of rations for just one day." Clarke continued when Bellamy didn't answer her.

"You don't know what you're talking about." Bellamy muttered, stomping ahead of her.

Clarke stormed after him, reaching the top of the hill just as Bellamy whirled around to face her again. He looked angry...and perhaps a little bit guilty.

"I did something on the Ark, and they will kill me for it when they get down here. So yeah, I'm leaving once we get these supplies back to camp." Bellamy's voice was low as he took a step toward the ruins of the supply depot.

Clarke swallowed her protests and made a beeline for the spot she remembered the hatch being. She didn't want to think about him leaving, and if she was being honest...she didn't think she could do any of it without him. Bellamy had always kept her centered, what was she supposed to do if he was gone? She couldn't lead their people without him, let alone stop the end of the world, but how could she tell him that? Clarke was so distracted by her thoughts, that she didn't realize she had been angrily pulling on the door that was rusted shut until a warm hand landed on her shoulder, and gently but firmly moved her aside. It took him two swings, but Bellamy managed to chip away enough rust for them to pry the door open. Clarke clicked on her flashlight and slowly made her way inside, already knowing what they would find. The place was dirty, wet, and it smelled awful just like she remembered. The skeleton was there on the concrete stairs, staring up at her with its hollow eyes and its mouth open in a soundless scream; it made her stomach turn. Behind her, Clarke heard Bellamy grumbling in angry disappointment. She understood, because even though she knew what they would find...Clarke had still hoped it would be different this time.

"So much for living down here." She mumbled as they explored the depot. 

Although her heart was heavy, Clarke's spirits lifted when the oil barrels came into view; right on cue, Bellamy kicked one of the barrels over and a whole pile of guns came spilling out. She watched Bellamy crouch down and carefully pick one up, laughing in disbelief as he turned his head to smile at her. Clarke tried to ignore the butterflies that erupted in her stomach at the boyish grin on his face. Had _she_ eaten any of the Jobi Nuts? Shaking her head, Clarke cleared her throat and continued to look around the place, calling out to Bellamy when she found a stash of blankets and glow sticks. 

"I found more guns!" Bellamy called back, sounding a little too excited.

Clarke was just relieved he had found the other barrels that they had missed the first time. They didn't waste much more time exploring the depot, it was beginning to get dark outside and Clarke was still paranoid that Dax would show up and try to kill them. But she did let Bellamy convince her to try to shoot at least once, and she was pretty pleased with herself when she hit the target first try earning a proud grin from Bellamy. Once they had the guns and blankets secured in a somewhat functional sac, Clarke followed Bellamy up out of the musty depot and into the cool evening air. They set off back in the direction of their camp at a quick pace. Clarke wanted to try and get back before dark even though they both knew it wasn't possible, but after walking for a while, Clarke noticed that Bellamy was a little bit unsteady on his feet, and she realized with a sinking feeling that he was starting to feel the effects of the nuts. The last thing Clarke wanted was to be caught off guard by Dax when Bellamy was high as a kite, so she decided it was time for them to make camp for the night.

"Bellamy it's getting too dark." She announced.

"What's the matter Princess, scared the Grounders are going to get us?" Bellamy teased, but he stopped walking and set down the sac of supplies.

"Something like that." Clarke muttered, dropping her pack on the ground. "Help me gather some firewood."

Clarke kept an eye on him while they gathered enough firewood to last the night, and was relieved when he didn't seem to be too intoxicated; maybe he hadn't eaten enough to bring on the hallucinations. She handed him some cured rabbit meat once the fire was lit, and settled back against a tree. Clarke scanned the trees, making sure no one was trying to get the jump on them, and every once in a while she would sneak a glance at Bellamy. He was definitely a little out of it, gazing into the fire like he was hypnotized by the flames while the fire light danced across his face. She wanted to tell him that she knew about his run in with Jaha, she wanted to tell him everything actually, but he was frowning at the fire and apologizing for something; there were tears in his eyes. Clarke knew that there was nothing she could do but wait it out until the effects of the Jobi Nuts wore off, so she focused her attention on keeping watch while Bellamy argued with himself. She tried to ignore it when he started yelling, but the anguish in his voice as he called himself a murderer over and over again, how it caused _her_ pain Clarke didn't know. It wasn't until Bellamy reached for his gun that Clarke finally intervened, she saw his hand close around the weapon and she tackled him. Clarke managed to wrestle the gun out of his hand and throw it away from them, despite Bellamy's cries and pleas. Over and over he begged her to pull the trigger, saying he deserved it and he was a monster; it broke Clarke's heart. She fought him off when he lunged for the gun, but then she heard something rustle behind her and Clarke's heart stopped. 

"Dax." She whispered, slowly turning around.

"Sorry Clarke, it's nothing personal. Shumway said no witnesses." The tall boy said, aiming a riffle at her head.

Everything happened so fast, Clarke ducked behind a tree just in time as Dax pulled the trigger and a bullet ricochet off of a tree, she heard another click of the gun followed by a brief silence, and then she heard Bellamy snarl as he tackled Dax to the ground. Clarke watched in horror as Dax flipped them and slammed Bellamy against the dirt, before driving the butt of the gun into his face and then holding the riffle to Bellamy's throat, choking him.

"Get the hell off him!" Clarke yelled, throwing herself against their attacker.

Dax hardly moved and he thrusted the end of the riffle into Clarke's stomach, knocking her backwards as she gasped for air. Her little distraction gave Bellamy enough time to reach for the forgotten bullet and plunge it into Dax's neck; they watched him die in silence. 

After a few moments, Bellamy staggered over to where Clarke was sitting against a tree and propped himself up beside her. They sat like that, shoulders pressed together, breathing hard, for a minute until Clarke was able to catch her breath.

"You're okay." She panted, glad to see there were no serious injuries.

"No, I'm not." Bellamy sniffed and shook his head, eyes wide. "My mother...if she knew what I've done- who I am. She raised me to be better, to be _good_."

"Bellamy..." Clarke started, but he was just shaking his head.

"And all I do is hurt people...I'm a monster."

The pain and hatred in his voice hurt, and Clarke wished she could take it all away. She wished that she had known him on the Ark, been his friend back then so he would know how special he was. But the anomaly hadn't taken her that far back, and all she had was the moment they were in.

"Hey, you _saved_ my life today." Clarke drew in a ragged breath, wincing at the pain in her stomach. "And you may be a total ass half the time, but I _need you_."

Clarke dipped her head when Bellamy met her eyes, looking so broken and lost...she had forgotten this moment. This was the Bellamy who thought he was so horrible for shooting the Chancellor and causing the deaths of 320 people on the Ark, except this time he hadn't killed all those people because they got to the radio in time. He wasn't a murderer, not that Clarke had ever seen him as one to begin with, but he needed to know that he wasn't a monster.

"I know what you did on the Ark. You shot Jaha." Clarke breathed, resting her hand on his. "You did what you had to, to keep Octavia safe. And if you need forgiveness, fine I'll give it to you, you're forgiven okay? But you need to come back with me and _face it_."

"Like you faced your mom?" Bellamy scoffed, but he had hope in his eyes.

Clarke laughed, or at least she tried to but it was really just a huff because she was so out of breath, and nodded. He was right, she hadn't wanted to face her mom back then, or face the kids they were fighting to keep alive, but they had to...they had no choice. So she told him exactly that while she struggled to get her breathing under control. When she was finished, Clarke rested her head against the tree and took a few deep breaths while Bellamy closed his eyes and chuckled humorlessly.

"Can we figure it out later?" He croaked.

"Whenever you're ready." Clarke whispered, suddenly feeling like she could pass out right there and then...so she did.

The camp was quiet when they returned the next morning, the only people out and about were Raven and Finn. Clarke smiled to herself when she realized that they must have had an interesting night with the Jobi Nuts, Bellamy must have been thinking the same thing because he chuckled when he saw Jasper, Monty, and Octavia passed out by a dying fire, on empty pack of nuts on the ground by Jasper's boot. Clarke shook her head and covered them with one of the blankets from the supply depot before heading over to ask Raven about their night. The mechanic looked less than pleased. Clarke and Bellamy filled them in on the supplies they had brought back, and Clarke didn't miss the way Finn scowled when they mentioned the guns. 

"At least we'll be able to defend ourselves if Clarke can't keep the Reaper alive." Bellamy shrugged casually, only half joking.

"Once Monty wakes up we can finish the shock baton. It isn't as pretty as the Ark issued ones but it should do the trick." Raven informed them.

Clarke offered Raven a grateful smile and reached out to squeeze her arm. She wanted to ask how the nuclear reactor thing was going, but Raven looked like she was ready to sleep for a very long time so Clarke decided to ask her later when she wasn't so sleep deprived. Instead, she met Bellamy's gaze and nodded toward the coms tent; Bellamy sighed and followed her to speak to Jaha.


	6. Six

Clarke hadn't meant to sleep in, and she was slightly annoyed that her people had let her, but it had been a late night doing what she could to help Raven and Monty with the shock baton, filling the Ark in on Diana Sydney's plan to set off a bomb during the Unity Day Parade, and informing the council that everyone on the Ark could make it to the ground if they brought down the whole space station. And then, despite the crushing exhaustion, Clarke hadn't been able to sleep so she had paced the camp until Bellamy basically banished her to her tent with strict orders to "get some rest". Surprisingly enough, being ordered to go to sleep was what she needed because as soon as her head hit the pillow, Clarke passed right out and didn't wake up until the sun was too high to be considered morning, and people were talking loudly outside. The camp was buzzing with excitement when Clarke finally poked her head out of her tent; it was Unity Day. She could smell Monty and Jasper's newest moonshine concoction, and she could see the wisps of steam coming from their tent when she passed it on her way to the dropship.

"Hey look who's finally awake." Raven snickered, not looking up from the shock baton.

Clarke made no comment as she helped herself to a handful of berries and roots, for the first time in forever she actually felt well rested...and _chipper_? Maybe it was because it was Unity Day, or maybe all she really needed was a good nights rest, but Clarke almost felt giddy. Things were falling into place for the better and she was looking forward to Lincoln's visit the next day...as long as everything went well. Clarke pushed that thought to the back of her mind, determined to enjoy the day, and finished her breakfast with a satisfied hum; Raven shot her a perplexed look.

"You're in a good mood today." The mechanic noted, leaning back in her chair to narrow her eyes questioningly at Clarke.

"It's Unity Day." She said around a mouthful of berries.

Clarke shrugged and shoved her hands into her pockets while Raven continued to study her. It was definitely strange for Clarke to be in such a good mood, but she didn't think she had been _that_ miserable in the beginning.

"Did you get _laid_ last night?" Raven teased, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively.

Clarke snorted and shook her head, not even bothering to answer as she left the dropship, leaving a cackling Raven behind. She was glad that her and Raven had a solid friendship this time around, no _you slept with my boyfriend_ bad blood between them. Not that they hadn't been friends, because they had, but it was nice to have a clean slate. Clarke wondered what the Raven she had left in Sanctum thought about her now.

She walked by meat shack and smiled at the two kids who were supposed to be curing the meat, they were leaning against the shack talking. The boys hurried to look busy when they spotted Clarke, muttering apologies with sheepish grins on their mouths, and Clarke just laughed and kept walking after assuring them it was okay to take a break. They stared after her in stunned silence as she ducked into the coms tent. Bellamy was already speaking to the council members and he offered her a curt nod when she plopped down next to him.

"What did I miss?" Clarke wondered, shooting Bellamy a look that said they would talk later.

Jaha quickly filled her in on the plans for the Exodus launch, and informed her that if all went according to plan they would be on the ground in three days. Clarke made sure to warn him about Mount Weather jamming their communications and the potential it had to crash the ship, she ignored the way Bellamy was side eyeing her like she was crazy. Clarke asked to speak to her mother alone once the meeting was over, and Bellamy squeezed her shoulder gently before ducking out of the tent.

"I know about dad." Clarke whispered before Abby could say anything. 

"Clarke-"

Clarke shook her head and held up a finger, swallowing around a lump in her throat.

"You don't have to explain yourself, I know. I know and I'm not ready to talk about it yet because I just got you back and I don't want to be angry." Her voice cracked and a single tear slid down her face. "I love you mom."

Abby exhaled shakily and nodded. "I love you too sweetie."

Clarke sniffled and wiped her face as she sat up straighter and smiled. It felt so good to have her mother back that forgiving Abby was easy, Clarke had watched her die not only a week before. As terrifying as it was to have the weight of the world hanging over her head, Clarke was grateful for the second chance. So she talked to her mother like she would have back on the Ark, like she was still a kid, sharing everything that scared her about the ground- well, almost everything. It was nice to get most of the heavy stuff off her chest and to have her mother comfort her and tell Clarke that it was all going to be okay.

"Clarke!" Octavia's panicked voice rang through the camp.

Clarke said a quick goodbye to Abby and hurried out of the tent to see what was going on, nearly crashing into Finn as she ran over to where a group had gathered at the gate. She pushed her way through the crowd of shouting kids, yelping when someone's elbow dug into her side, and she wondered where the hell Bellamy was. The kids around her were cheering someone on, and as she broke through to the center of the crowd, Clarke saw that two people were fighting. It was Connor and... _Murphy_. Clarke reacted before she really thought her plan through, snatching the riffle out of Miller's hands and firing a warning shot into the air, effectively silencing everyone and stopping the fight. Behind her, Clarke could hear Bellamy's booming voice telling everyone to get back to work as she grabbed the back of Connor's jacket and hauled him away from a very beat up Murphy.

"Did anyone else touch him?" Clarke asked Miller.

"He stumbled into Roma while she was on watch." Miller answered, staring at Clarke with wide eyes.

"Did they have physical contact? We don't know what kind of bacteria Murphy was exposed to out there." Clarke urged, stopping Bellamy when he went to pat Connor's shoulder.

Miller only shrugged, his eyes darting from the riffle in Clarke's hands back to her face. Clarke sighed and handed the gun back to him, turning to face Bellamy.

"Take Connor to the dropship, don't touch him and don't let anyone else touch him. I'll be there in a minute." Clarke instructed, crouching down in front of Murphy.

He looked up at her, terror in his bloody and bruised eyes, and Clarke felt her heart sink into her stomach. Murphy was a dick, but knowing who he turned into over the years...he didn't deserve what the Grounders did to him. 

"Can you walk?" Clarke asked softly, settling into healer mode.

Once Murphy and Connor were settled into the makeshift med bay in the dropship, and Murphy had some water in his system, Clarke instructed Octavia to keep an eye on them and then she set off to find Bellamy. There was no doubt that he wanted Murphy gone, but Clarke wasn't going to let that happen. She found him leaning against the south wall, talking to Roma with their heads close together. Clarke had forgotten that they had kind of been an item before Roma died looking for Octavia the first time. When Roma spotted Clarke, she rolled her eyes and sauntered off but not before planting a firm kiss on Bellamy's lips and whispering a flirty _see you later_. Clarke fought back the childish urge to gag, and settled for waving and smiling awkwardly when the other girl passed her.

"Sorry to interrupt..." Clarke offered, moving a small rock with her boot.

"She said Murphy only touched her jacket." Bellamy informed her, and Clarke breathed a sigh of relief.

"He was being held captive by the Grounders...I think they were torturing him, his finger nails are all gone." Clarke murmured, frowning down at the dirt.

She glanced up to see the same discomfort she was feeling mirrored on Bellamy's face as he stared out into the forest, and Clarke wondered what he was thinking. They stood in a comfortable silence for a while, until they heard Monty and Jasper whooping and hollering that the moonshine was ready. Clarke grinned and peaked at Bellamy; he was already looking at her. Clarke wasn't sure why, but for some reason she blushed. Clarke glanced over to where the rest of their people were gathering around the main firepit, laughing and chattering excitedly. The sight made her heart swell; they were all so happy. Jasper called for Clarke to be his partner in a drinking game, and both she and Bellamy chuckled but they started making their way in the direction of their friends. Clarke excused herself before Jasper pulled her into the ring of drunken teenagers, telling her friends she had to check on Murphy and Connor, and slipped away despite Monty and Jasper's protests.

"How long am I on Murphysitting duty?" Octavia groaned when Clarke entered the dropship, looking so bored it was pitiful.

"Go have fun." Clarke sighed, checking on the many wounds littering Murphy's body.

The boy didn't look at her as she examined him and changed a few bandages, he simply glared up at the ceiling, but Clarke noticed how he still hadn't stopped shaking. Clarke cleared her throat and pulled a chair over so she could sit.

"Wanna tell me what happened?" She wondered when Murphy finally looked at her.

"After you and Bellamy _banished_ me I got picked up by some Grounders and they locked me up and tortured me." Murphy spat, wincing when he shifted in his hammock.

Clarke tried not to show how sorry she was for sending him off on his own.

"How did you escape?" She asked, unable to meet his eyes.

"I didn't. Some guy showed up and let me out, he told me that you better not be lying about the Reapers...whatever _that_ means." Murphy grumbled with an eyeroll.

Clarke nodded; at least they hadn't infected him with the virus. She finished checking on his injuries and turned to Connor, telling him he was free to go.

"What's going to happen to me now?" Murphy whispered just as Clarke was getting ready to leave the dropship.

Clarke stopped and pondered her answer for a moment before turning back to offer him a reassuring smile.

"As long as you promise not to go on a murderous revenge rampage, you can stay." She replied with a shrug.

"What about Bellamy? There's no way he's okay with letting me back in." Murphy sounded genuinely worried.

"Don't worry about Bellamy, I'll handle him." Clarke assured him before heading out to join her friends.

Clarke was having fun. It wasn't raining, the stars were bright in the sky, all of her friends were laughing- even if it was at her expense- and Clarke had no responsibilities in that moment other than to have fun. She was losing terribly at whatever drinking game Sterling had come up with, and Raven and Octavia were having way too good of a time making her drink each time she messed up. Even Finn was being tolerable for the first time since she'd turned him down in the bunker...it didn't hurt so bad to see him with Raven. Maybe she was drunker than she thought. Clarke didn't care, she hadn't laughed so hard in years and it felt so good to just be a dumb kid for once. 

"You know, there's a trick to it Princess." Bellamy's voice boomed behind her.

Clarke jumped, causing the washer she'd been balancing on her nose to fall and miss the cup it was supposed to land in. Raven threw her hands up and high fived Octavia at yet _another_ victory, and Clarke turned around with a huff to frown at Bellamy.

"Drink Griffin!" Octavia shouted with a laugh.

Clarke groaned and took a big gulp of moonshine, not entirely hating the way it burned.

"Okay mister know-it-all, what's the trick then?" She choked, eyes watering.

Bellamy picked up the washer and placed it on his nose, it fell off before he was even able to position himself over the cup. Clarke dissolved into a fit of laughter along with the others and wiggled her cup in his face while Jasper yelled at him to drink. Rolling his eyes, Bellamy accepted the cup and tossed the whole thing back. He came up for air sputtering and coughing which only made everyone laugh harder; Jasper was actually doubled over wheezing and snorting.

"Ah yes, the drop it trick." Clarke teased when she managed to catch her breath. "Hate to break it to you Bellamy, but I've already mastered that one."

Clarke giggled at the slight blush that seemed to spread across Bellamy's face, but she sobered a little when she realized the only reason she could see the blush was because of how close they were standing. It must have occurred to him as well because Bellamy cleared his throat and shook his head before flashing everyone his trademark smirk. Raven managed to catch Clarke's eye as the game resumed, and the mechanic arched one perfect eyebrow at her questioningly. Clarke snorted and shot her friend a less than impressed look as she once again attempted to balance the washer on her nose; she failed miserably.

"Alright I'm going to quit while I'm still ahead." Clarke announced, throwing her hands up in surrender.

Thankfully, all her friends were too drunk to really notice when she waved and stumbled away. Clarke knew that she should probably go to bed, she had a Reaper to save in the morning, so she started making her way to her tent but was stopped by an annoyingly familiar voice calling after her. Suppressing a groan, Clarke turned around to face Finn.

"What's up?" She wondered, shoving her hands into her pockets.

Finn scratched the back of his neck nervously and shuffled his feet. After a long minute of awkward silence, Clarke was starting to think he wasn't going to say anything, but then he exhaled sharply and clapped his hands in front of him.

"I just...Look I know I've been making things weird, especially since Raven got here and I just want to say I'm sorry." He blurted, looking really uncomfortable.

"It's fine, really Finn, don't worry about it." Clarke assured him, offering a tired smile.

Finn nodded, appearing to be a little more relaxed. He returned the smile and went to walk away but then stopped and whirled around again.

"Clarke I love you." Finn admitted, reaching out to take her hand.

Clarke felt her jaw drop and she took a clumsy step back, out of his reach. She didn't know what to say, what to do, and it didn't help that she had too much moonshine in her system to think clearly. She needed to get out of the situation, and Clarke glanced around in panic looking for an excuse to leave. Finn's eyes were on her, he was waiting for her to say something but Clarke didn't trust herself to respond; she loved him too. Or at least she had once upon a time...were the feelings still there or just the memory of them? Somewhere in the camp Clarke heard Raven calling Finn, but he wasn't moving and she knew he wouldn't go until she said _something_. It wasn't until Finn took another step toward her that Clarke unfroze.

"No." 

Her voice came out harsher than she had intended, but it stopped Finn from coming any closer. Clarke held her hand up and shook her head, staggering back another step as she heard herself apologize. Finn looked like he wanted to argue, but decided against it and he hung his head in defeat before nodding slowly and walking away. Once he was out of sight, Clarke let out a breath she didn't know she'd been holding and rubbed the wrinkles between her eyes. That had hurt more than she expected. Why hadn't she been able to say more? He deserved an explanation, she did love him but it wasn't fair to Raven, and it just wasn't right. Clarke hadn't come back to repeat the same mistakes that had hurt the people she cared about, and her loving Finn is what got him killed in the first place. But did that mean she wasn't allowed to love anyone? Lexa had died because of her too...was she cursed? Clarke didn't realize that she was crying until she rubbed her eyes and her fingers came away wet, and she stared down at the tears in confusion for a moment. 

"Clarke?" A deep voice wondered.

Clarke slowly turned around and smiled at Bellamy as he came to a halt in front of her. His face and shirt were wet, like he'd splashed water on himself and there were a few water droplets in his hair that sparkled when the moonlight hit them. 

"You're all wet." Clarke reached out and poked his shoulder, sniffling as discretely as she could.

"Roma threw her drink in my face." Bellamy explained with a chuckle. "What are you doing over here? I thought you went to bed."

Clarke blinked and looked around, she hadn't noticed before but she was standing next to Bellamy's tent; he was probably going to change his shirt...He was probably wondering why she was standing alone by his tent. What the hell was wrong with her tonight?

Bellamy squinted at her and his eyes widened. "Are you crying?"

"I'm not crying." Clarke scoffed, her heart hammering in her chest.

"I saw Spacewalker coming from this way...did he do something to you?" Bellamy's voice was soft, but there was no mistaking the distaste he felt toward Finn.

Clarke shook her head and tried to step around Bellamy so she could retreat to her tent, but he crossed his arms and leveled her with the same look he gave to Octavia when he knew she was lying to him. Maybe he knew her better than she thought he did. Still, she wasn't about to admit that she was crying over Finn, she'd had years to mourn him and now was not the time to pick at old wounds.

"No Bellamy, honestly I'm fine. I should head to bed." Clarke sighed, trying once again to move around him.

A warm hand closed around her wrist, gently tugging her to a stop, and Clarke turned back to look at him. Bellamy's brows were furrowed, like he didn't know why he'd stopped her, and Clarke tried to hide her surprise when he didn't let go of her wrist. It seemed like Bellamy was as perplexed as she was. Clarke felt her cheeks heat up when he met her eyes, and she hoped it was too dark for him to see that she was blushing. This hadn't happened the first time, sure they always got in each others faces but he never gave her butterflies...or had she just ignored it because there had been bigger things to worry about? There were still bigger things to worry about, like not totally screwing up their chance at doing better. She already woke up every morning struggling to remember that she had a mission, Clarke couldn't afford to lose her focus. What was worse, was the Bellamy she had left behind in Sanctum would now have this moment as a memory; what would he think of her? But what was one night? If she did everything right, Bellamy wouldn't even know...but Clarke would know. 

Somehow during her internal argument with herself, they had gravitated closer to each other and Bellamy was close enough to see the panic in her eyes. If she walked away now, things might be awkward for a few days but nothing would change between them, they would be the same Bellamy and Clarke that they had been the first time, the head and the heart. But had it ever been just platonic? Clarke could recall a time when she had felt something more than friendship between them, but then he went into space and she was left behind on a burning planet. Had he felt the same way back then? Would he forgive her?

"Grounders! Grounders at the gate!" 

Clarke and Bellamy all but sprang apart when Miller's voice rang across the camp, snapping them out of whatever moment they were about to have. They rushed to the gate, Bellamy barking at everyone to get to their tents and Clarke instructing Harper to find Raven. Clarke motioned for Miller to open the gate, taking a deep breath as she prepared herself for the hell that was to come. She was ready, it had worked when her mother did it to Lincoln, it was going to work for her. What she wasn't ready for, was who strolled into their camp with Lincoln and Indra.

" _Lexa_?"


	7. Seven

Clarke watched tensely as Lincoln and Gustus secured the unconscious Reaper to the dropship floor, and prepared herself for what was to come. She'd thought she was ready but now that Lexa was standing there, watching her with those intense green eyes, Clarke felt doubt pulling at her insides. What if it didn't work? What if the Reaper got free and hurt someone...or even worse, killed someone? Lexa showing up had thrown her off, she wasn't ready to face her just yet but now Clarke had no choice. Lincoln met her eyes as he and Gustus stepped back, and Indra nodded for Clarke to proceed.

Clarke willed her hands to be steady when she reached out and took the baton from Raven, sparing a quick glance at Bellamy. He looked way more confident than she felt, but it helped ease most of the panic that was threatening to suffocate her as she locked eyes with Lexa.

"We have to let the poison leave his system, once it's run its course he should return to normal." Clarke explained slowly, pleased at the confidence in her voice.

"You think we haven't tried that, _Sky Girl_? They always die." Indra hissed, glowering at Clarke from across the dropship.

"That's what this is for." Clarke held up the shock baton. "If I can keep his heart beating long enough for the drug to wear off, he'll recover."

"And if you can't?" Gustus grunted, folding his arms over his chest.

Before anyone could answer, the Reaper jolted against his restraints and snarled angrily as he struggled to get free. Clarke's heart jumped into her throat and she stumbled back a step, narrowly avoiding a boot to the shins. Clarke heard Bellamy tell Raven and Miller to leave, but her focus was on the Reaper. He thrashed viciously on the floor, making noises that were hardly human; Clarke wondered if he would liquify his brain before they were through.

"We need to keep his head still, he'll kill himself before the drug does!" Clarke shouted over the howls, batting Bellamy away when he tried to stop her from grabbing the Reaper's head and holding it firmly in place.

It was difficult to keep a good hold on him, the Reaper was strong even tied down, but Clarke knew if she let go she might very well lose a finger or two to his teeth. Above her, Clarke could feel the eyes of the Grounders boring into her back as she fought to keep the Reaper from snapping his neck...she just had to hold on until he started seizing. Finally, after what felt like hours, the Reaper's thrashing began to slow and the sounds died down enough for Clarke to hear her heart hammering in her chest. She exhaled sharply, arms aching, and quickly adjusted her grip as the Reaper started to convulse; it was time. Clarke drew in a deep breath to center herself and looked up at Bellamy.

"I need you to hold his head still." She instructed calmly. "If there is foam in his mouth, gently turn his head to the side."

Bellamy only nodded and took her place and Clarke positioned herself at the Reaper's side, pulling the shock baton closer to her for when the time came. It didn't take long for the Reaper to stop breathing, and Clarke promptly started chest compressions, heaving a sigh of relief when he gasped for air after a few minutes and started fighting against the restraints again. She could feel Bellamy's eyes on her, and she could hear the Grounders speaking quietly amongst themselves in their language; they were impressed. Lexa was impressed. It gave her a brief burst of hope, and then the Reaper stopped breathing once again and Clarke was back to doing chest compressions.

"Clarke..." Bellamy murmured nervously.

The chest compressions weren't working anymore. Clarke exhaled sharply, grabbed the shock baton, and shocked the Reaper. The dropship was silent, save Clarke's heavy breathing, as they waited. It took longer than Clarke thought it would, but just as Indra began pulling out her sword, the man jolted and gasped loudly. 

"Heda?" The man rasped.

Clarke could have cried she was so relieved, but she simply got to her feet and met Lexa's eyes, arching her brow.

"Alright Clarke, you have my attention."

The sound of her name rolling off Lexa's tongue caused butterflies to erupt in Clarke's chest and stomach, and she felt her lips twitch into a half smile that the Commander didn't return. Lexa motioned for her people to leave the dropship, saying she wished to speak to Clarke alone, and Clarke did the same, nodding at Bellamy when he gave her his "are you sure" look. He left the dropship after shooting Lexa a warning glare.

"I'll admit, I doubted you at the start." The Commander sighed, squaring her shoulders. "But you were true to your word, Lincoln was right to trust you."

"I'm grateful for the chance to meet you." Clarke's voice came out raspy, and she felt her cheeks heat up.

Lexa regarded Clarke for a moment before nodding with a polite smile. "I hear that you seek peace between our people."

"I was hoping you might consider letting us into your coalition, once the rest of my people arrive we will have proper medicine to trade as well as more warriors for your army." Clarke explained, hoping Lexa didn't find it odd that she knew about the alliance.

"My army?" Lexa asked, her tone stern.

Clarke's heart leapt into her throat and she blinked a few times to get her thoughts together, before continuing.

"I know that the Mountain Men are taking your people and turning them into Reapers, don't you want to put a stop to it?" Clarke wondered, choosing her words carefully. "My people in the sky are working on communicating with the mountain, to warn them."

"To warn them?"

"Let your people go, or we will attack." Clarke replied, her words causing her blood to run cold as the memories of radiation burned bodies crept into her mind.

***********

The threat from the Grounders was gone, and once the rest of their people were on the ground, Lexa would hold a summit to initiate the Sky People into the coalition. Clarke stood at the gate and watched Lexa leave, Lincoln at her side; he had been instructed to remain with the Sky People as an ambassador. Clarke knew that his presence was to keep them from screwing up, but she was happy to have him and she noticed that he had taken an interest in Octavia which was a bonus. Bellamy wasn't happy that the Commander had left a "spy" but he hadn't said anything against it. It was clear he still wasn't over Lincoln capturing Octavia...if only he knew. It took every ounce of her self restraint not to laugh when Bellamy ordered Octavia to stay away from the Grounder, shooting a deadly look at Lincoln before stomping off. Clarke wasn't sure if she imagined the smirk on Lincoln's face.

"How did you know about the Commander? The Mountain Men?" Lincoln wondered as Clarke started to walk away.

Clarke met his eyes, debating just telling him the truth, and shrugged. "It's my job to know things."

Lincoln looked like he didn't quite believe her, but thankfully he let it go and glanced around the camp, eyes finding Octavia almost immediately.

"I wasn't going to hurt her you know...she was wandering in the woods and Trikru scouts were near by, they would have killed her." He murmured.

Clarke offered him a smile and nodded. 

"I know," she replied, her gaze falling on Bellamy who was talking to Miller near the dropship. "Don't worry about Bellamy, he'll come around eventually."

"He isn't happy about the treaty." Lincoln noted, folding his arms over his chest.

Clarke snorted and shook her head, quickly averting her eyes when Bellamy glanced her way. They hadn't had a moment to talk about what had almost happened before Lexa showed up, and the awkwardness was finally starting to set in.

"He doesn't have to like it, but our people are safe now and that's all that matters." She sighed.

Lincoln stood with her for a few more minutes, but then someone was calling for Clarke near the south wall and she groaned before heading to see who had hurt themselves this time. She found herself wishing they could go just one day without someone getting hurt, but when she got there Clarke saw Murphy holding a piece of technology while Monty peered at it over his shoulder. A mixture of white hot rage and ice cold fear ran up and down Clarke's spine as ALLIE'S face made an appearance in her mind; she didn't want to deal with the City of Light ever again. Clarke reached out for the drone with shaky hands, unable to push away the memory of Raven strapped to Niylah's bed, or her mother digging a scalpel into her chest. It didn't look like one of ALLIE'S drones, the tech wasn't advanced enough, and upon closer inspection, Clarke was able to make out the Mount Weather logo on one of the arms.

"Monty, can you and Raven use this to hack into Mount Weather's system?" Clarke's heart rate picked up in excitement.

Monty pursed his lips for a moment before nodding thoughtfully and taking the drone to examine it. After turning it over a few times he glanced back at Clarke and nodded again, this time with more enthusiasm. 

"Shouldn't be a problem." Monty replied before heading off to find Raven.

Clarke thanked Murphy for finding the drone, and took off after Monty. If they could hack the drone, they might be able to communicate with Mount Weather and negotiate the release of Lexa's people before a war broke out. Clarke just hoped that President Wallace was still in power, and not his son. They found Raven in the dropship, tinkering with the radios she was trying to make, a sour look on her face. She glanced up at them when they came in and sighed impatiently, tossing the device on the makeshift table.

"What do you need now?" She asked, sounding irritated.

"I think we can hack this drone and use it to communicate with Mount Weather." Monty explained, shooting a perplexed look at Clarke.

The mechanic took the drone and examined it for a moment before heaving another sigh and nodding for Monty to sit down. She turned her attention back to Clarke and arched an eyebrow questioningly.

"Is that all?" Raven quipped.

Clarke, unsure where the attitude was coming from, simply dipped her head and hurried out of the dropship; she had a feeling that Raven's mood had something to do with Finn, because of course it would.

Shaking her head, Clarke started making her way to her tent; the events of the day had drained her...and she hadn't slept the night before either which didn't help. Any Finn and Raven related drama could wait, Clarke just wanted to take a nap and forget about all the crap she had to deal with in the days to come. If all went according to plan, the first group from the Ark would be arriving the next day; her mother and Jaha would be among them. That would bring a whole other set of potential problems because of course the Chancellor should take charge of their people and assume command on the ground, but the Commander recognized Clarke as the leader of the Sky People. Would the people of the Ark follow her? She was just a kid...only she wasn't just a kid anymore. Clarke knew she had to speak to the members of the council before they came down, and she also knew that no one was going to like it. So much for taking a nap.

Clarke sighed and went in search of Lincoln and Bellamy; they were her best shot at convincing the Ark to recognize her as their leader...and she always felt more at ease when Bellamy had her back. She found Lincoln first, sitting across the fire from Octavia who was describing what life in space had been like for her. They both looked up at Clarke when she came to a halt beside Lincoln, and the warrior slowly got to his feet having read the expression on Clarke's face.

"I need some advice...Octavia can you go find Bellamy?" Clarke admitted, trying her best to appear casual.

Lincoln studied her closely before nodding and sitting back down, motioning for Clarke to join him. Octavia jumped up and left them alone, glancing back at them as she made her way in the direction Miller pointed.

"How would the Commander react to a change in leadership on our end?" Clarke wondered, staring into the flames.

"Why?" Lincoln asked after a brief silence.

"Bellamy and I lead these people, but once the rest of our people get here, the Chancellor will take over. The peace agreement was made between Lexa and me, will she still honour it if I'm no longer in charge?" Clarke's voice was hushed, but she could still hear the worry in her words.

Lincoln was silent for a moment, and Clarke felt the anxiety rising and constricting her throat. Would they lose Lexa's favour? Would she be labelled as weak? It wasn't like she cared about how she was perceived, but Clarke didn't want the fate of their future in the hands of a man who nearly caused the extinction of the human race, simply because and AI told him to.

"Power shifts happen all the time among the clans, Clarke. So long as your people stay loyal to the Commander and her coalition, you will have her protection." Lincoln replied, voice soft and full of understanding.

Clarke could feel him watching her, but she kept her eyes glued to the flames as his words sunk in. If Jaha agreed to keep the peace, to make them the thirteenth clan, everything would be alright; but would he agree to it? Clarke wasn't so sure anymore. She remembered how reluctant he had been to side with the Grounders the first time around, and he hadn't even been Chancellor back then. None of the council members had been useful in creating peace with the Grounders. As much as Clarke hated it, she was going to have to talk to the council...to the citizens on the Ark.

"Octavia said you wanted to talk to me?" Bellamy said, breaking Clarke out of her thoughts.

Clarke looked up at him, feeling her stomach twisting itself into knots.

"We need to speak to the council." She breathed, standing up and squaring her shoulders.

Clarke motioned for Lincoln and Bellamy to follow her as she began making her way to the coms tent, still unsure of her next move.

"About what? Clarke their going to be here tomorrow, just wait until then." Bellamy almost sounded annoyed.

Clarke shook her head and glanced between Lincoln and Bellamy as she switched on the radio and turned on the screen, drawing in a deep breath as she made up her mind. Sinclaire's face appeared on the screen and he blinked in surprised before offering them a grin.

"I need to speak to the council, and I need everyone to hear what I have to say." Clarke announced, feeling like she might be sick.

Sinclaire frowned for a moment but called for Jaha anyway.

"You're in luck, they're just about to wrap up a meeting, I'll patch you through."

"Thanks...and Sinclaire? Make sure this is broadcasting all over the Ark." Clarke instructed, swallowing the last of her fear and hoping he would listen and broadcast her to the public.

She felt Bellamy sit down in the chair next to her, and she turned to meet his stare; he knew what she was about to do. Bellamy gave her a firm, reassuring nod, before turning back to the screen where the council members were staring back at them; Clarke didn't miss the fact that her mother was not seated at the table with them. There was a beat of awkward silence, and Clarke almost lost her nerve, but the looks on the council members faces when they saw Lincoln was enough to ignite her courage and she cleared her throat.

"Clarke, we were just discussing the launch tomorrow." Jaha smiled, eyes flicking over to Lincoln then back to Clarke. "Who is your friend?"

"This is Lincoln, he is a member of the Trikru clan and an ambassador for the Commander." Clarke explained, once again shocked by how steady her voice was.

There was a low hum of voices on the other end as the members of the council whispered to each other. Their expressions ranged from confused to uncertain, and it gave Clarke the last push she needed to fully commit to her decision. So she sat up straighter and squared her shoulders once again.

"I spoke to the Commander of the twelve clans, and she has made us an offer to join her coalition and become the thirteenth clan; I accepted." Clarke spoke slowly and clearly, not missing the way Jaha's eyes widened slightly at the news.

The low hum grew louder, and one of the members even shouted in protest and a member of the guard burst through the door to tell them that the entire population of the Ark was watching, but Clarke held eye contact with the Chancellor until the noise died down and she was able to speak again.

"Becoming the thirteenth clan means we will be under the Commander's protection, we will be her people, we will be safe. Once the rest of you are on the ground, we will attend a summit where the leader of our people will be accepted by the rest of the clans. We will swear our loyalty to the Commander, and in return she will swear her loyalty to us." She finished calmly.

There was a short pause and it seemed like no one was breathing; Clarke felt Bellamy's leg brush her's gently, letting her know he was with her.

"Clarke, I appreciate the lengths you have gone to in order to secure peace for our people, but I'm afraid that call wasn't yours to make." Chancellor Jaha finally said, his voice holding a condescending tone that made Clarke's blood boil.

"You can never understand the _lengths_ we have gone to just to keep ourselves alive down here. I was faced with the choice between peace or a potential war that we would not win even with the rest of our people on the ground, are you trying to tell me you would have chosen war?" Clarke questioned, watching the faces of the council members.

A long, uncomfortable silence settled over them as Clarke waited for Jaha's response. It was clear she had him backed into a corner, if he said yes he would most likely lose the trust of his people, if he said no then he was commending her and how would that look to the council? To the rest of the Ark? The silence stretched on and Clarke could feel both Lincoln and Bellamy watching her, waiting for her next move; she didn't want the power she was about to ask for. _People die when you're in charge_. Bellamy's words from so long ago echoed in her head like a warning. Things were supposed to be different, it was up to her to change their fate and give them all a better life...was this the right way? 

"I apologize Miss Griffin, but it isn't that simple-" Jaha began but Lincoln cut him off.

"The decision has already been made. Clarke of Skykru is recognized by our Commander as leader of the Sky People, and Clarke has agreed to unite _her_ people with ours and join the coalition. To reject this unity is to reject the Commander, and that is considered an act of war." Lincoln growled dangerously.

Clarke had to bite her tongue to keep from smirking at the utter shock on Jaha's face, and the council room was buzzing with chatter as the councilors argued amongst themselves. She waited for most of the noise to die down before speaking again.

"Now you have a _simple_ choice to make. Accept our place in the coalition, allow our people to live in peace, or you and your people will be on your own." Clarke announced, meeting the eyes of each councilor as she spoke.


	8. Eight

It was Unity Day all over again. Clarke, Bellamy, and Lexa stood tall in the coms tent as they waited for the council to make their decision; join the coalition or refuse. Clarke had been worried that the Commander would change her mind about the Sky People when Clarke admitted that the people on the Ark might not accept becoming the thirteenth clan, but Lexa had seemed impressed by Clarke's display of leadership and she assured them that their people would still have a place in the coalition. Clarke just hoped that Jaha decided to join them.

"We have decided that refusing the help that has been so graciously offered, would be foolish. Therefore, I accept the terms of the peace agreement." Jaha was smiling politely as he spoke, but Clarke didn't miss the way his jaw clenched or the way the vein in his neck was bulging.

Clarke felt Bellamy relax beside her, and she knew what he was thinking; they wouldn't have to choose between their people. She glanced up at him out of the corner of her eye just in time to catch the relieved smile he shot at her before turning his attention back to the screen. Clarke felt the teenage giddiness rising and she had to fight the urge to giggle in excitement, and instead she cleared her throat and squared her shoulders when Lexa turned to face her.

"I will send search parties out as soon as the Ark stations are on the ground, we will round up any survivors we find." Lexa informed her softly.

"Thank you." Clarke replied, reaching out to grasp the Commander's forearm.

Once Lexa was gone, Clarke heaved a sigh and rubbed her eyes exhaustedly while stifling a yawn. She couldn't remember the last time she'd slept but her eyes felt like sandpaper and her head was in a constant state of dull pain. Clarke and Bellamy wished the council luck on their journey to the ground before switching the radio and monitor off, and stepping out of the tent to tell their people what was happening. It took a while to round everyone up, and Clarke was sure that they were still missing a few, but eventually Clarke and Bellamy stood in front of a large crowd of curious looking kids.

"Alright listen up!" Bellamy shouted over the hum of chatter.

They waited for the camp to fall silent to continue.

"The first dropship from the Ark will be landing in two hours, the other stations will follow, and we need to be ready." Bellamy announced, holding up a hand when the chatter started up again. "We don't know the exact spot that the dropship will be landing, but we have a rough idea, so the plan is to meet them there and show them back to camp." 

There was a moment of stunned silence as their people absorbed the information, and then Harper stepped forward.

"What do you mean the other stations will follow?" She wondered.

"They're bringing the whole Ark to the ground." Clarke replied, taking in all the shocked faces.

Clarke and Bellamy divided everyone into groups, giving each one clear instructions that Grounders would be in and out of camp as the rescue teams gathered more survivors from the Ark. A lot of the kids weren't all that thrilled about having to work with Lexa's people, and Clarke had to remind them that they were about to become the Commander's subjects too; Bellamy even snapped at Murphy to deal with it or leave. It didn't take long to organize everyone, and soon Clarke found herself pacing the bottom level of the dropship anxiously. There were no medical supplies to gather, she had already done that, all that was left to do was wait until it was time to leave.

"So they're crashing the Ark, huh?"

Clarke glanced up from sorting through her pack and nodded at Finn, offering him a tight lipped smile. He crossed the dropship to stand above her, his hands were in his pockets and he looked slightly awkward.

"You really think this alliance with the Grounders is a good idea?" He wondered as she tried to ignore him.

"I think it's a join or die situation, we need them if we are going to survive down here." Clarke sighed, standing up and slinging her pack over her shoulder.

"Do you actually trust them?" Finn asked, sounding exasperated.

Clarke had to think about it for a moment, knowing what she knew...her trust was on the fence. Lexa had betrayed her once, would it happen again? The possibility was there for sure, especially if they went to war with Mount Weather, but this time it was only Lexa's people locked inside the mountain. Maybe it was too soon for trust, but Clarke was a firm believer in second chances. She had to be.

"It's hard to trust someone you hardly know." Clarke finally answered.

"You barely know Bellamy but you seem to put your faith in him without a problem." Finn muttered, folding his arms over his chest.

Clarke scoffed and she shook her head, this was not a conversation she wanted to have. Of course she trusted Bellamy, he was one of the few people future and present, that she could count on unconditionally.

"I know him better than you'd think." She quipped, trying to step around him.

"You can't be serious." Finn deadpanned, looking at her suggestively to mask the hurt on his face.

The unspoken, false accusation made Clarke's blood boil and she narrowed her eyes at the him when he blocked her from leaving.

" _You_ can't be serious. Bellamy and I are trying to keep our people alive, every minute of every day that is all we think about. While you're in here acting like a child because I put a stop to whatever kind of connection we might have _almost_ had, Bellamy is out there preparing a rescue mission for the people coming down from space. I should be out there helping him, but instead I'm here being accused of _screwing_ one of the only people on this damn planet I actually trust all because your feelings are hurt." She snapped, jabbing a finger into his chest.

"Maybe we had a moment, but that was before I knew there was someone waiting for you on the Ark. Raven loves you and she deserves loyalty, so get your shit together Finn and be the guy she deserves." Clarke felt a tear slide down her cheek and she swiped it away angrily.

Finn was staring at her, his mouth slightly ajar, in utter shock. He blinked a few times, opened his mouth like he was about to say something, but the sound of someone clearing their throat made him flinch and step away from her. Clarke didn't even feel guilty for the sad look in his eyes.

"You through?" Bellamy questioned, arching an eyebrow at Finn.

Finn narrowed his eyes at Bellamy but said nothing and trudged out of the dropship, shoulders hunched in defeat. Clarke exhaled slowly and rubbed her temples in an attempt to get rid of a headache; she needed to sleep. After a brief silence, Clarke sighed and met Bellamy's stare with an apologetic grimace, wondering how much of their conversation he had heard.

"Sorry about that." She muttered, motioning for him to follow her outside.

Bellamy simply shrugged and brushed his shoulder against hers; it was amazing how quickly such a small gesture put her mind at ease.

"So...I made an executive decision that you aren't going to like." Bellamy blurted as they were approaching his sister and Lincoln.

Clarke frowned at him, waiting for him to elaborate.

"You're going to stay in camp." Octavia informed her when Bellamy shuffled his feet uncomfortably and focused his attention on the sky.

Clarke actually let out a short laugh and shook her head, glancing around at her friends. They were joking right? As if she was going to stay in camp while the others went off without her. But the looks on their faces made her stomach tighten as memories of watching them return to space from a radio tower played in her head.

"We need someone to keep things under control here, and if both of us are gone who knows what could happen once the place is full of injured and scared survivors and clueless kids." Bellamy explained, finally meeting her eyes.

"So I have to stay behind?" Clarke scoffed, folding her arms over her chest.

"Clarke you're our only doctor, you're going to be needed here." Bellamy replied, nodding at Raven when she came up behind them.

"And you don't think I'll be needed at the actual crash site? Where people could be dying? Where there is still a potential threat from the Mountain Men? Anyone who is able to get back to camp won't need me to fix them, Octavia and Harper can patch them up and run things here because I know for a fact you aren't letting your sister leave this camp." Clarke argued, feeling her anger rising. 

"Clarke your mom is coming down in the dropship, she can take care of the people in the field. Seriously you'll be more useful here to keep everyone in line." Octavia said with a shrug.

"Plus, if I manage to make contact with Mount Weather, I'm going to need you here." Raven added, sounding bored.

It was all excuses, she could see it on their faces. Bellamy looked like he wasn't telling her something, Raven just appeared annoyed at Bellamy...and maybe her, and Octavia was smirking at her older brother with an "I told you so" expression on her face. Clarke snagged Bellamy's elbow and hauled him away from the others, maybe squeezing a little too hard; she was angry.

"I'm going with you." Clarke hissed, dropping his arm once they were out of earshot of their friends. "Octavia and Raven can manage just fine while we're gone."

"And if Raven gets through to the Mountain? Octavia has helped you patch people up a handful of times, you're just going to leave her to tend to the wounded by herself? Because Harper is going with Miller's group." He snapped, jaw twitching the way it did when Bellamy was mad.

"We agreed that I would be going with you." Clarke ground out, trying to keep her temper under control.

"Plans change Princess, I thought you trusted me." Bellamy quipped, matching her tone and arching his brow.

Clarke huffed and fought back the urge to scream at him. "Bellamy-"

"Enough, Clarke!" Bellamy shouted, causing a few people to turn and stare at them.

Clarke glared up at him for a moment, only vaguely aware of how close they were standing. Of course he'd heard most of hers and Finn's conversation. It made sense for her to stay behind, her mother would be there to help them in the field, they needed someone to keep people calm amidst all the chaos that was about to come through the gates of their little camp. It was only logical that Clarke be the one to stay, so why was she fighting so hard to go? _The last time that same dropship came down, everyone died._ Clarke grimaced at the cruel little voice in the back of her mind. If she went, then she could keep them all safe. Clarke realized that she was terrified they wouldn't come back. She exhaled sharply and looked away from Bellamy's intense stare, lifting a trembling hand to rub her forehead. When Clarke met his eyes again, they were softer, apologetic and he ran a hand through his messy curls with a sigh. His breath tickled her face and Clarke suddenly became very aware of the lack of distance between them, judging from the surprise on his face, Bellamy hadn't realized how close they were either. 

"Just...make sure you come back, okay?" Clarke heard herself say, her voice making her sound way too vulnerable. "Get them back safely."

Bellamy offered her a lopsided smile and dipped his head, reaching out to squeeze her shoulder. "You got it Princess."

There was something on the tip of her tongue, something she had almost blurted to him before he left her behind on a burning planet, but Clarke swallowed whatever it was and nodded before she retreated to the coms tent.

******* ********* ********** ************ ************

Waiting was torture, and she knew that it would be but that didn't make it any easier. Raven wasn't having any luck getting through to Mount Weather, and she clearly didn't want Clarke hovering over her shoulder while she and Monty tinkered with the drone. Everyone else was just waiting for the flood gates to open, they were busy preparing more shelters with some of the supplies Lexa's people had brought for them. All Clarke could do was make her rounds about the camp and help where she was needed, which didn't seem to be anywhere, so Clarke found herself back in the now empty dropship needlessly sifting through her dwindling "medical" supplies. Hopefully she had enough bandages, and even if she didn't they would just have to make due...like always. She found herself wondering how the hell they had managed to make it so far in the beginning; it was honestly just dumb luck, and a lot of hard choices. Being so exhausted made it difficult for her to keep the memories at bay, but she knew it would be even worse if she closed her eyes to try and steal a minute of sleep so she thought about Madi instead. Clarke hoped that she was okay back in Sanctum, that the others were taking care of her...did they still know who Madi was to Clarke?

"You look like shit." Octavia grumbled, making Clarke jump.

The younger girl chuckled and plopped down beside her on the cool metal floor.

"Sucks being left behind, doesn't it?" Octavia muttered after a short pause.

Clarke nodded slowly, tugging on her frayed sleeve. "Guess now I know how you feel."

Octavia snorted, shaking her head and leaning back against the wall. "You know why he made you stay right?"

"He didn't _make_ me do anything." Clarke quipped, shooting Octavia a stern look.

The brunette simply laughed and rolled her eyes. 

"You two are unbelievable." She groaned, smirking at Clarke.

"It makes sense to have me here, I just..." Clarke shrugged and fixed her attention on the ceiling.

They lapsed into a comfortable silence and Clarke fought to keep her eyes open. Clarke had always been a control freak, but now their second chance at a good, peaceful life on Earth was resting on every tiny decision they made, and she knew that one little mistake would throw it all away. She had seen the end result, felt the pain of losing everyone she was surrounded by again, and there was no way Clarke could go through all that loss a second time, no way she could return to Sanctum and tell her people she had failed them yet again. She trusted Bellamy to get their people back safely, even if he wasn't the same Bellamy she had left in Sanctum; not yet anyway. 

_Clarke felt her cheek brush her shoulder and she jerked back to attention, kicking herself for almost passing out. She glanced beside her to scold Octavia for letting her drift off and was met with the white walls of Sanctum's lab. Panic exploded in her stomach causing one of the monitors she was attached to to start beeping frantically, and Clarke shot to her feet; how the hell did she get back? What had she done wrong?_

__

_"Thank god, it worked." A relieved voice said from behind her._

_Clarke whirled around to see Gabriel standing in a half opened door, grinning excitedly._

_"What worked?" She wondered, some of the panic easing._

_"Bringing you back." Bellamy replied, appearing behind Gabriel._

_Clarke frowned, the panic fading into confusion as the two men entered the lab and shut the door. She wasn't done yet, if they were still in Sanctum then her mission had failed...how much damage had she caused for them to need to bring her back? Clarke met Bellamy's eyes, and was relieved to see that he didn't look angry or hurt, his forehead was creased with worry but he smiled at her anyway._

_"Why?" Clarke asked, not looking away from Bellamy._

_"Your body was beginning to shut down, Gabriel thought that if we could pull your consciousness back that we'd be able to save you." Bellamy explained, folding his arms over his chest._

_Her body hadn't gone through the anomaly...huh, interesting. Clarke nodded slowly, processing the information as she glanced around the lab; her brain scans were open on the computer screen in the corner and she could just barely make out the signs of slight deterioration. Was that from sharing a head with Josephine, or traveling back in time?_

_"You have to send me back." Clarke whispered, locking eyes with Bellamy again._

_"Clarke, you could die." Was his only answer._

_"If I'm successful then it won't matter, my body on Earth is fine." She countered, glancing back and forth between Gabriel and Bellamy._

_Gabriel pursed his lips and looked over at Bellamy, waiting for his answer. The room was quiet as Bellamy stared at Clarke, and she could practically see the wheels turning in his head._

_"She's right Bellamy." Gabriel murmured, resting a hand on his shoulder._

_Bellamy didn't look away from Clarke, and the weight of his stare sent shivers down her spine as he approached her and reached out to wipe a trail of blood from under her nose. He was at war with himself, Clarke could see it in his eyes so she offered him a reassuring smile, in hopes he would agree to let her go back. Bellamy didn't say anything though, he simply pulled her into his chest and rested his chin on her head, drawing in a shaky breath. Clarke's arms wrapped around him instinctively and she sighed; she'd missed him. They held each other for a while, almost too long to be considered normal, until Gabriel cleared his throat awkwardly and Bellamy pulled away._

_"You've already changed enough, you don't have to go back." Bellamy whispered, his voice verging on pleading._

_Clarke smiled softly and grabbed his hand. "Yes I do."_

_Clarke settled back into the chair she had woken up in and nodded for Gabriel that she was ready, then she reached out for Bellamy's hand as the metal headpiece was placed back on her head. Bellamy ran a hand over his face, looking more sad than she had ever seen him and she knew that they would never meet again in this time frame; Clarke's body on Sanctum would die. She comforted herself by knowing that if she managed to change everything back on Earth, they wouldn't know they had lost her at all._


	9. Nine

_May we meet again_

Clarke sputtered, feeling liquid bubble past her lips, and her eyes flew open, a hand lifting on its own accord to protect herself from the hands that were holding her shoulders. Bellamy's voice was ringing in her head, echoed by the voice of present Bellamy. He sounded panicked, urgent...maybe even scared. It took a moment for her to focus but once her surroundings stopped swimming, Clarke was met with the warm depths of Bellamy's brown eyes and the light freckles that dusted his nose. As she suspected, he looked worried but once he realized that she was awake, Clarke saw his features relax ever so slightly as he heaved a sigh of relief and leaned back out of her personal space. With his head no longer blocking her view, Clarke could see the grey skies, and feel the cool rain drops as they hit her face; the air smelled like smoke. Her chest hurt...actually, it was burning, and she noticed that both of their clothes were soaked.

"Clarke can you hear me?" Bellamy wondered, his hands were cold as they pushed her wet hair out of her face..

"What's going on?" Clarke croaked, throat burning with each breath.

"Did she hit her head?" She heard Harper call from somewhere behind them.

Clarke reached back to gently touch her head to make sure she was okay and gave Bellamy a thumbs up after a moment, ignoring the stabbing pain in her hip. In the distance she could hear the hum of voices, some were familiar but other's were not; they weren't in their camp. Looking around, Clarke saw that they were near the river and when she glanced across the water, she saw the tall, looming structure that was the Mount Weather Dam. Ice trickled down her spine as she watched two guards staring down at them from the tunnels, their guns hanging loose at their sides. What the hell had she missed?

"You good?" Bellamy asked, offering her a hand up; water dripped down from the curls that were plastered to his forehead.

Clarke nodded, still feeling a little dazed, and let him pull her to her feet; she tried not to whimper at the pain in her hip when she put pressure on her leg. She saw some of their friends as well as the people from the Ark and they all looked like they had been fished out of the river too. Lexa's people were milling about, offering help to anyone who needed it and directing people away from the river. Lincoln was near the tree line, rubbing Octavia's arms in an attempt to stop her from shivering; Clarke felt herself shuttering then and she realized her teeth were chattering. 

"Indra and Miller are in position, time to go!" Murphy shouted, emerging from the trees.

Clarke allowed Bellamy to lead her into the forest with the rest of their people; her head was spinning as she tried to remember what the hell was happening. How many days had passed? They were already attacking Mount Weather, and the people from the Ark were already on the ground; snow was dusting the tops of the mountains around them.

"Bellamy what's going on?" She whispered as they made their way through the trees, clenching her jaw as she made herself walk without limping.

Bellamy cast her a concerned side glance, catching her elbow when she stumbled over a tree root. "We managed to bust you guys out of Mount Weather."

Clarke frowned and shook her head. "We were in the mountain?"

"Clarke, you were there for nearly a week." Bellamy informed her; he definitely sounded worried now.

Clarke wanted to play it off, pretend that she remembered, but her mind was blank and Bellamy could see it in her eyes when she looked back up at him. Had they been held in the cages with the rest of Lexa's people, or had it been like the first time? Had the Mountain Men tried to take their bone marrow? Who had all been captured? Clarke glanced around at their people making their way through the forest, noticing that a few of them were concerningly pale, and most of them were the kids that had been left behind in camp when the Ark rescue teams went out.

"What happened to you in there?" Bellamy whispered, gently grabbing her arm and pulling her to a stop.

Clarke could only shake her head because how was she supposed to answer that question? She wished she had the slightest recollection of her time in the mountain, but all she remembered was the first time.

"Where's Raven?" Clarke asked instead, scanning the group.

Bellamy grimaced as they started walking again. "Finn and your mom took her back to the Ark, she was in pretty rough shape when we got to her."

Clarke's heart sank as she thought of all the things that could have happened to her friend, judging by the expression on Bellamy's face it was bad. She didn't ask anymore questions as they trekked along at a pace that was a little too slow for Clarke's liking, but the longer they walked, the worse the throbbing in her hip got until she was struggling to keep up to Bellamy. Clarke did her best to keep a straight face and ignore the pain, but when her foot snagged on a rock and she stumbled into a tree hip first, Clarke couldn't help the agonized gasp that escaped her mouth. The pain was unlike anything she had ever felt before, and it kept rolling over her in waves. Clarke felt like she might be sick as she squeezed her eyes shut and waved Bellamy away when she felt his hands on her shoulder, his voice sounded like they were inside of a tunnel. Once the worst of it had passed and Clarke could see straight, she lifted her shirt and pulled the her pants down enough to confirm her suspicion; they had harvested some of her bone marrow. Clarke heard Bellamy swear angrily as she exhaled shakily and fixed her clothes and drew in a deep breath.

"Bone marrow." Clarke answered, that's what happened to her in there.

Bellamy drug a hand over his face, a dangerous fire in his eyes. Clarke recognized that look all too well and she reached out to squeeze his arm, shaking her head when he finally met her eyes.

"How far are we from the Ark?" Clarke panted, wincing as she stood up straight.

"We've still got a ways to go, can you walk?" He replied, expression softening.

Clarke suppressed a groan and nodded, determined to make it to their destination on her own; she couldn't afford to have Lexa see her vulnerable...she wasn't Wanheda anymore. But each step seemed to make it worse, and it wasn't long before she had fallen back with the stragglers, gasping and fighting back tears. She thought back to the first time they had taken down the mountain and wondered how Raven had managed not only with a dead leg, but with drill holes in her hip. Then she remembered that Raven had taken ALLIE'S key to the City of Light.

"Clarke, let someone help you." Lincoln said, falling into step beside her.

Clarke shook her head, not trusting herself to speak, afraid her voice would give away how much pain she was in. She pushed on, listening to Lincoln's steady footsteps and focussing on that as best as she could.

"You're hurt, there is no shame in letting your friends help." Octavia added, reaching out to take Clarke's hand.

"I'm fine, don't worry." Clarke grunted, feeling like her leg weighed a ton.

Octavia sighed and threw her hands up in frustration. "I'm going to get Bellamy."

Clarke slumped carefully against a tree, breathing heavily, and started to protest, but Octavia was already weaving through the crowd in search of her brother. Lincoln didn't say anything as Clarke took a minute to catch her breath, but his heavy hand on her shoulder stopped her when she tried to get going again. Clarke groaned but leaned back against the tree, glaring up at the grey sky. The Mountain Men must have taken them from the dropship once Bellamy and the others went in search of the Ark survivors. She was an idiot for not considering that outcome.

"Bellamy I'm okay, I just need a minute." Clarke murmured when he approached her, worry all over his face.

"I know Princess." Bellamy sighed, pulling her away from the tree and carefully lifting her into his arms.

Clarke wanted to argue, to tell him to put her down and let her walk, but he was warm and her hip hurt too much. So she opted for an annoyed grumble and settled into him, allowing herself press her face against his chest where she could hear his heart beating. If carrying her was difficult, he didn't show it, Bellamy carried Clarke like she weighed next to nothing and it made her feel a little less like a burden. It didn't take long for the steady beat of Bellamy's heart to lull her to sleep, and when she opened her eyes again they were approaching the Ark. Clarke saw their people milling about on the other side of the gate, and some came to greet them as they entered the camp; Clarke's eyes found Lexa as The Commander was stepping into the Ark. 

"I can walk now." Clarke insisted, voice still raspy from sleep.

"Just let me take you to your mom." Bellamy murmured, veering away from the excited crowd that had gathered around the others.

Clarke knew there was no point in fighting him, so she allowed him to carry her into a tent that smelled like antiseptic and dirt. She heard her mother gasp and then there were hands on her face as her mother pressed a teary kiss to her forehead. Bellamy set her down on one of the empty cots and stepped back to give Abby room, but he didn't leave until Abby asked him to find Clarke some dry clothes.

"Get yourself into something dry too." Abby instructed as he ducked out of the tent.

Once Bellamy was gone, Clarke felt her body collapse in on itself. Her body was worn and now that she was alone with her mother, she could take inventory of all the injuries; mental and physical. Memories that weren't really hers came rushing in behind her closed eyelids, making the world around her spin as she saw herself strapped to a black leather chair while Dr. Sing drilled into her skin mercilessly. Her own screams echoed in her head as her mother gently patched her up as best as she could. Abby spoke to her softly, filling her in on all the things she missed. Clarke kept her eyes closed until she heard the swish of the tent opening and Bellamy's presence enveloped her in its familiar warmth. He was watching her, she could feel his heavy gaze on her, taking in every new scratch and bruise; somehow it hurt more than the actual wounds themselves. There was an awkward beat of silence where Clarke knew both her mother and Bellamy were just staring at her and it was uncomfortable, but then Bellamy cleared his throat and Clarke opened her eyes to look at him. His face was unreadable, but he tossed her a bundle of dry clothes before turning around so she could change. Clarke wondered what she must look like to them, to her co-leader. She felt weak, useless, and with all the memories assaulting her mind, Clarke felt fragile. It wasn't a feeling she welcomed with open arms.

"I'm going to go check on Raven..." Abby mumbled awkwardly after a moment, dropping a quick kiss on Clarke's head and then she left the two of them alone.

Clarke refused to look at him. She knew what she would see on his face, and Clarke didn't want to see the concern. She already felt terrible for having to be carried back to camp, and she didn't want to see the expression that she knew would make her feel even more weak than she already felt. 

"Clarke..." Bellamy whispered, the anguish in his voice forcing her to meet his eyes.

He looked like hell. Clarke hadn't really noticed the dark circles under his eyes, or the defeated sag to his shoulders, until now. But looking at him standing across the tent, she could see just how much he must have gone through in the week she had been gone.

"I'm sorry." Clarke blurted, looking away.

"Of course you would apologize." Bellamy scoffed, folding his arms across his chest.

Clarke frowned, tensing when he sat down next to her on the cot.

" _I'm_ sorry." He breathed, staring at the ground. "I made you stay behind."

"You didn't make me-"

"I should have just let you come with me." Bellamy continued, cutting her off.

"And if I had, all the kids we left behind would have been alone." Clarke countered softly.

Bellamy nodded after a moment, shooting her a half-hearted smile that made her heart ache. They sat in silence for a while and Clarke let the new memories flood her mind. Waking up in Mount Weather, trying to negotiate the release of Lexa's people, being locked in the cages with the Grounders while they took her people one by one to harvest their bone marrow. Somehow her and Echo had managed to escape, and Echo had gone to get help while Clarke stayed behind to free the others. They didn't irradiate the mountain, but the death toll was still high. The faces of the dead flashed before her eyes as she tried to blink away the memories; Cage, Sing, Emmerson, Dante, Lovejoy...all the nameless faces. Clarke had thought that after killing so many people, eventually it wouldn't phase her...she was wrong.

"What are you thinking about?" Bellamy whispered, pulling her back to reality.

Instead of answering, Clarke shook her head and fiddled with the bottom of her shirt; she realized it was one of Bellamy's. Her brow furrowed as she pinched the blue fabric between her fingers and she felt a lump lodge itself in her throat. Clarke missed being able to tell him exactly what was on her mind, no matter what. Bellamy frowned and let out a short, breathless chuckle but he sobered when he saw a tear sliding down Clarke's cheek. She felt like an idiot, there was no reason to be crying, and there were more important things to worry about. Clarke wiped at her face and tried to clear her throat but it didn't help, and when Bellamy tilted her head so he could look at her, the flood gates opened.

"I miss you." Clarke choked out, fighting to keep it somewhat together despite the tears running down her face.

"I'm right here Princess..." Bellamy replied slowly, brows knitting together in confusion.

The words were on the tip of her tongue, she wanted so badly to just tell him everything, even if he thought she was crazy. The look in his brown eyes promised that there was nothing Clarke could say to make him doubt her, and if he didn't believe her and she failed, he would find out in six- one hundred and thirty- years that she was right. But something about it just felt too dangerous, and Clarke wasn't about to put Bellamy's life in jeopardy just to take some weight off of her own shoulders. So she settled for wrapping her arms around his waist and burying her face in his chest. After a moment of hesitation, Bellamy rested his chin on her head and returned the embrace. Clarke knew he was suspicious of what she was keeping from him, but thankfully he didn't push and just held her for a while. She ignored the little voice screaming in her head that they were too close, that she was crossing a line, telling herself that once things calmed down Clarke would introduce Bellamy to Echo. It was different from the first time, their dynamic had shifted at some point without her noticing, and there were emotions she didn't remember feeling in the beginning; well that's what Clarke was telling herself anyway. She remembered how it felt to see Bellamy kissing Echo for the first time, how her heart had broken watching the spaceship take him away from her, how she would have rather let the rest of their people burn than shoot him. There were so many things, looking back, that she realized she had loved him once upon a time. Sending him into Mount Weather to prove to Lexa she wasn't weak, wanting his hand to be the one she was holding when she went into the City of Light, making sure his name was on that damn list...talking to him every single day for six years not even knowing if he was alive. If Primfaya had never happened, or if she had gone to space with them, would Bellamy and Echo be together? Clarke had almost told him she loved him the day she had been left behind.

Clarke was still wrapped in Bellamy's arms when Octavia ducked into the tent, and she expected Bellamy to spring away from her...but he only glanced over at his sister and slowly let Clarke go. The younger Blake didn't look as surprised as Clarke thought she would, but there was definitely a smug glint in Octavia's eyes when she looked at Clarke and folded her arms over her chest.

"The Commander is outside, she wants to talk to you." Octavia announced, noticing how her brother's jaw twitched angrily.

"Well you can tell her-" 

"Thanks Octavia." Clarke cut Bellamy off, grunting as she got to her feet.

Octavia dipped her head and stepped out of the tent for a brief moment before pulling the flap back so The Commander and Gustus could enter. Clarke tried not to wince when she shifted her weight off of her bad leg, and she offered Lexa a polite smile when the woman met her gaze. Lexa surveyed Clarke quickly, her face void of emotion, before meeting Clarke's eyes again and returning the polite smile.

"I'm glad to see that you are well, your mother said that you were injured during your time in the Mountain." 

"I'll recover." Clarke replied, wishing her mother hadn't said anything.

Lexa nodded, appearing satisfied. "I spoke to your council already, but I wanted to inform you that tomorrow you and your people will be escorted to Polis for the Summit where you will be sworn in as the Thirteenth Clan."

"Thank you Heda." Clarke murmured, not missing the way Lexa's eyes lit up at the use of her language.

Once Lexa was gone, and Octavia went searching for Lincoln, Clarke turned to Bellamy and frowned.

"I thought you would have already joined the coalition." She stated, watching his face.

Bellamy shrugged. "We could have, but Lexa and I wanted to wait until you could be there to accept the mark."

Hearing Bellamy speak about The Commander so casually was strange, because in her mind, Lexa and Bellamy were separate worlds. However, they would have been working together while she had been trapped in the mountain; it gave her mixed feelings. Bellamy was her equal, and he could have easily taken the mark without her...so why hadn't he? Clarke slowly sat back down on the cot, careful not to put too much pressure on her hip, and sighed. Clarke could hear the muffled chatter of their friends outside of the tent, and she wanted to join them, to make sure they were all okay, but Bellamy shot her a disapproving look when she went to get up again.

"They're all fine, just worried about you." Bellamy assured her with a soft smile.

Clarke ignored the butterflies that erupted in her stomach and stood up, waving off Bellamy's protests as she made her way out of the tent. Of course he followed her, muttering under his breath in annoyance. Their friends voices grew louder and their smiles made her heart ache when she joined them, accepting a warm hug from Harper. She was glad that only a few of them had experienced the horror of Mount Weather, and the ones that had been a part of the rescue mission were all okay, but Jasper's swollen eye sent her into healing mode and she fussed over him until he grudgingly agreed to go to medical and get it looked at. She loved how they all laughed at him, and how he blushed and grinned as he headed over to medical; even Bellamy was smirking. Clarke kept scanning the camp for Raven, and she was starting to get worried after a few hours had passed and there was still no sign of their mechanic, but as the sun was beginning to dip behind the mountains, Clarke caught sight of a familiar red jacket and she saw Raven limping over to them. 

"Thank god." Clarke breathed, pulling Raven into a bone crushing embrace.

She felt the other girl stiffen for a second, but then there was a chuckle and Raven hugged her back for a moment before shrugging out of Clarke's hold and arching an eyebrow at her.

"Good to see you too." The mechanic laughed, taking a seat next to Monty around the fire; Finn joined them with Murphy and Miller a few moments later.

Clarke allowed herself to relax as the sound of her friends laughter washed over her, and she quietly enjoyed their company as the flames hypnotized her. Every once in a while she could feel Bellamy's eyes on her, and whenever she glanced up at him from across the fire he would smile before looking away, causing the butterflies to flutter in her stomach. They took turns staring at each other when the other wasn't looking, and Clarke admired the way the firelight danced over his face and lit up his golden eyes.

"Earth to Clarke!"

Clarke jumped, quickly turning her attention from Bellamy to Murphy who was waving a hand in front of her face, and blinked to clear her head.

"Sorry..." She murmured sheepishly, ignoring Octavia who was snickering into Lincoln's shoulder.

"Have you decided who will be going with you to the Summit?" Lincoln asked with a polite smile.

Clarke frowned and glanced around at her friends. "Isn't everyone going?"

"Mostly, but only a few can actually be in the throne room when you are sworn in." Lincoln explained. "Generally it would be the people on your council, but if I'm not mistaken there seems to be two councils."

"I...I don't know." Clarke admitted, her head spinning.

She understood what he was implying; her decision would make a political statement to their people. If she didn't choose the members of council from the Ark, it might cause unrest among their people, but Clarke didn't trust them to keep the peace between the other clans. Clarke looked around the fire at her friends, they were all watching her, waiting for an answer.

"We already know it's Bellamy and Raven, like it was ever a question." Murphy drawled, tossing a stick into the fire.

Clarke laughed along with the others and shrugged before arching an eyebrow at Murphy and grinning.

"Don't sound so thrilled Murphy, you're coming too." She quipped. "And so are Octavia and Miller."

*************************************************

Bellamy wasn't exactly happy that Octavia was joining them in the throne room, and he was in a sour mood the entire way to Polis only speaking to Clarke if she asked him a direct question. She understood why he didn't want her to be a part of the new council, she was just a kid and he wanted her to have the chance to be young and free of responsibility, but Clarke needed a warrior and that was Octavia; she was even training with Lincoln behind her brother's back. Jaha and Kane had been outright furious with her decision, accusing Clarke of attempting to divide their people, saying that she was too young to know what she was getting herself into, but their words held no weight because Clarke knew exactly what she was doing. They didn't know that she had been through this before, no matter how many things were different this time around. Her mother had remained unusually quiet during her meeting with the Arks old council, only speaking up to tell Kane to shut his mouth when Clarke was telling them what would happen at the Summit.

The city streets were packed with people from all clans, they had come to celebrate and many of them grasped Clarke's forearm in a respectful greeting. They knew her as the girl who freed their people from the Mountain Men; it wasn't Wanheda, but it still made her stomach turn. Bellamy, even though her was still mad at her, stayed by her side as Lexa's guards escorted them into the palace, and he seemed reluctant to part when Clarke was taken away from the others to be "made ready" for the ceremony. As she was lead into a room, Clarke heard Lincoln assure him that she would be in good hands, and then the door was closed. Clarke recognized the room right away, and her heart thudded painfully in her chest as her eyes drifted to the bed where she had watched Lexa die. The memory played behind her closed eyes until the soft touch of one of the maids pulled her back to reality. The woman smiled at Clarke and told her that there was a bath ready for her around the corner; it wasn't until Clarke had sunk to her shoulders in the hot, floral scented water, that she realized the woman had spoken to her in the Grounder language. No wonder she had seemed so shocked when Clarke had thanked her in the native tongue; Clarke chuckled as she massaged some soap into her hair. She didn't get to stay in the bath as long as she would have liked, and it felt like only minutes later the woman was back and telling her it was time to get out. Clarke and the woman- she discovered her name was Lena- exchanged easy small talk as Lena brushed Clarke's hair and began pinning it up in beautiful, intricate braids. They sat in comfortable silence while Lena painted the same makeup she had worn as Wanheda when she had bowed to Lexa, and Clarke had to swallow passed a lump in her throat when the same dress was laid out on the bed for her.

"Your soul recognizes this place." Lena murmured in Trigedasleng, smoothing out the wrinkles in Clarke's dress.

Clarke opened her mouth to protest, but they were interrupted by a member of the guard knocking on the door before poking his head inside to inform them that it was time for the ceremony to start. Lena offered her another warm smile and a reassuring squeeze of the hand as she ushered her to the door. Clarke could hear a woman singing from the throne room and the voice drifted, haunting and beautiful, down the hall as Clarke followed the guards to the closed doors. She knew what she would see on the other side, Lexa would be on the throne with Indra and Gustus at her side, Bellamy and their friends would be among the other ambassadors and clan leaders; they would all be watching her, the thought made her palms sweat and her heart started to race. She contemplated running for a split second, but the strong and steady voice in her head made her square her shoulders as the doors opened, and her feet carried her into the room. Clarke kept her eyes locked on Lexa as she made her way to the throne and the woman slowly finished singing, leaving the last notes hanging in the silent room. The Commander's voice filled the room after a moment, she welcomed each clan separately with a polite nod to the clan's leader; she welcomed Skai Kru last and her green eyes flicked to Clarke with a startling intensity. Clarke listened for her cue to kneel, repeating her oath in her head, and then it was time and she heard her voice ring out clear and strong as she swore fealty to The Commander.

A large man with tattoos covering his face stepped forward with a red hot branding iron and Clarke gulped.

"Will you, Clarke kom Skai Kru, bear the mark of The Commander?" He grunted.

"I will." She replied evenly before holding out her arm. 

The man nodded and approached her with the branding iron, he didn't hesitate before pressing it to her skin. Clarke swallowed a cry of pain but she couldn't stop the gasp that escaped her mouth, and she squeezed her eyes shut for a moment to compose herself. It was over as quickly as it started though, and she opened her eyes to see the man stepping away from her and The Commander rising out of her throne. Clarke stood up when Lexa motioned for her to, and the rest of the audience followed suit as Lexa announced that Skai Kru was now the thirteenth clan; she grasped Clarke's forearm and met her eyes with a proud smile.

"Let us celebrate this unity, Clarke will you join me and the other clan chiefs in the dinning hall?" Lexa wondered as everyone began to file out of the throne room.

Clarke glanced over to where her friends were waiting for her, and Lexa must have understood her hesitation because she motioned for Lincoln to join them.

"Lincoln will show take them to where the rest of your people are staying, you can join them after dinner for the celebrations." Lexa offered and Lincoln nodded, shooting Clarke a reassuring look.

"Lead the way, Heda." Clarke agreed with a polite but nervous smile.

They started to make their way out of the room until Lexa noticed that Bellamy was still with the others and she turned to Clarke with an arched brow.

"Your shila isn't coming?" Lexa wondered, glancing between Clarke and Bellamy.

Clarke felt her face heat up and she glanced over at Bellamy who was watching her with confusion written all over his face. She tilted her head in the direction of the hall, signaling that he should join her, and forced herself to stop blushing; Lexa calling Bellamy her protector was nothing to blush about. With Bellamy at her side, Lexa lead them down the hallway and into a much larger room with a long table in the center. The chiefs from the other clans were already seated around the table and they all stood up when Lexa entered the room, Clarke and Bellamy stood behind the two chairs closest to The Commander's seat and when she motioned for everyone to sit, they settled in with the others. Clarke wasn't sure what she expected the dinner to be like, but it was actually pretty light hearted and everyone spoke to each other like they were friends; even to her. Clarke listened in amazement as Bellamy entranced the table with a story about ancient Greece, and she was even more surprised to see that Gustus was just as intrigued as the rest of them. She watched the way Bellamy talked with his hands as he described the Trojan horse, his eyes were bright and wide with excitement; it was the most relaxed and animated she had ever seen him and it made her smile into her wine cup.

"What was it like living in the sky?" The chief from Sangedakru asked as they were finishing their meal.

Clarke thought about her answer for a moment, choosing her words carefully.

"It was...very different from life on Earth. We were confined to the Ark, there wasn't much freedom." Clarke explained, trying to remember what it had been like on the Ark.

"Earth is way better." Bellamy concluded, sensing that she was struggling.

Everyone chuckled at that, and a few even lifted their cups to toast to it. Clarke felt Lexa watching her as she gently rested her fork on her plate and took a long sip of wine, but she didn't look at The Commander and focused her attention on whatever it was the Floukru chief was saying. But Lena's voice was ringing in her head making it hard to concentrate on the conversation; _your soul recognizes this place._

Once the dinner was over, most of the chiefs retreated to their quarters for the night but Clarke and Bellamy went in search of their friends. They found them at an Inn near the palace, music was pouring out into the street and Clarke was almost certain she could hear Jasper's voice over the laughter and singing. Her and Bellamy shared an amused look before sighing and entering the building. Sure enough, most of their people were milling about, drinking and laughing with a few of the Grounders in the place. Clarke noticed Jasper near the bar, singing into his cup while Monty and Raven were doubled over with laughter. She shook her head and made her way to the table where Octavia was sitting with Lincoln, Miller, and Murphy; Bellamy didn't seem to pleased to see how close his sister was sitting to Lincoln but he didn't say anything as they pulled up some chairs and joined their friends.

"Ah the Princess and her King have decided to grace us with their presence." Murphy slurred, lifting his cup in a mock salute.

Clarke rolled her eyes and snatched the drink out of his hand, swallowing the rest of the liquid in one big fiery gulp. Her eyes watered at the way the alcohol burned its way down her throat and everyone at the table laughed at her as she sputtered and coughed.

"It's definitely not as smooth as Monty's moonshine." Miller informed her with a smirk.

"No kidding!" Clarke coughed, shoving the cup away from her.

"The Commander called Bellamy your _shila_...what does that mean?" Raven asked, plopping down next to Clarke.

Clarke felt her cheeks heat up again and she mentally cursed her teenage hormones for being so inconvenient. It didn't mean anything, Bellamy always had her back and he was always with her so it made sense for Lexa to think he was to Clarke what Gustus was to her. It wasn't romantic or even intimate, simply logical.

"It means that he is her protector, her shield." Lincoln explained, eyes drifting to Octavia who was smiling at him. "He would do anything to keep her safe."

Clarke knew Bellamy was watching her, and she wanted to tell him to stop, but when she turned to look at him her mother and Jackson approaching them caught her eye.

"Oh sweetie look at you!" Abby grinned, stroking Clarke's face, careful not to smear the paint. 

Clarke smiled at her mother and got to her feet to hug her, she nodded at Jackson when her mother let go and he flashed her a happy grin; Clarke didn't miss the way he looked at Miller. Jackson and Abby sat with them for a while and Clarke and Bellamy filled everyone in on the dinner, and Clarke recounted the ceremony for the people that hadn't been there to see it. Eventually, as the candles were burning low and Jasper's snores replaced the music, Clarke decided to call it a night much to her friend's protests. She apologized as she backed out the door and into the street, hearing Octavia tell everyone she was going to bed to and asking Lincoln to walk her back to the palace. Clarke could picture Bellamy's face and she giggled as she started back to the palace. The guards at the door stepped aside when she approached and bid her goodnight as they shut the elevator doors for her. She quietly made her way to her room and shut the doors firmly behind her before changing out of the dress and back into her clothes; she was in the middle of washing the paint off of her face when there was a soft knock at the door. 

"Come in..." Clarke called softly, glancing over her shoulder to see who it was.

Of course it was Bellamy. Clarke suppressed a sigh and turned back to the mirror to finish wiping the charcoal from her eyes.

"What's up?" She wondered once her face was clean, turning to face him.

"What Lincoln said about me being your protector, I was talking to him about it." Bellamy scratched the back of his neck, something Clarke noticed he only did when her was nervous. 

"They just don't have multiple leaders, she doesn't understand that we lead our people together." Clarke assured him, hoping that he didn't think she didn't want him as a co-leader.

Bellamy smiled at her and shook his head. "No Clarke, I...I want to."

Clarke stared at him, uncomprehending for a moment as the meaning behind his words sunk in. He wanted to be her shila? Did he even understand what that would mean for him? Clarke opened and closed her mouth a few times, not sure what to say to him. It was Bellamy, he was her best friend, the one person she trusted most on the whole damn planet, and he was telling her that he was willing to devote his entire life to keeping her safe. _He already does that anyway_. Clarke shoved the little voice to the back of her head.

"Let's face it, I already have your back right?" Bellamy laughed awkwardly, sitting down on the couch.

"Bellamy..." Clarke murmured, meeting his eyes. "I trust you with my life, and I know that you will always have my back...but being a shila means my safety is all that matters, above everything else, no matter who or what."

"I know-"

"Even more important than Octavia." Clarke continued slowly, watching his face carefully.

That made him pause, and Clarke could see the conflicting emotions playing on his face. She new that nothing would ever be more important to him than Octavia, and that was okay...she was his sister and he had raised her. It wasn't that Clarke didn't want Bellamy to be _that_ for her, but she didn't want to have to make him choose between her and Octavia, because that wasn't fair. 

"Bellamy, you look out for me. And I look out for you, always, but shila...I can't ask you to put me before Octavia." Clarke whispered, staring at the floor.

There was a long silence as Clarke gave him time to process what she had said, and she could see the wheels turning while Bellamy stared down at his hands. Clarke didn't want to tell him that she was already _his_ shila, because she always had and always would do anything to protect him; even give her life for his. She could never let Bellamy die for her.

"I see the way Lincoln looks at her, Octavia doesn't need me anymore." Bellamy admitted, slowly nodding his head. "As long as he's around I know she'll be safe."

"You're her brother, she's always going to need you." Clarke smiled and sat down beside him, reaching out to squeeze his hand. 

"And what about you? There are meetings that I can't attend because they don't recognize me as a chancellor, who's watching your back then?" He questioned, turning his warm gaze on her.

Clarke blinked, at a loss for words because he had a point. Bellamy knew that he had her, and she saw his lips twitch up into a smug smirk before he slid off of the couch to kneel in front of her. She shook her head, eyes wide as Bellamy bowed his head and cleared his throat; her face was on fire.

"I swear fealty to you, Clarke Griffin. I swear to treat your needs as my needs, your life will be my life, and your pain my pain." Bellamy murmured, lifting his head to look her in the eye. "I vow to serve and protect you until my fight is over."

"You're supposed to ask if I accept." She deadpanned, arching an eyebrow.

"You'd say no." Bellamy scoffed, standing up straight and stretching. 

His shirt lifted slightly, revealing a teasing peak at his six pack...which Clarke definitely did not ogle at for a split second. She rolled her eyes and got to her feet, planting her hands on her hips and fixing Bellamy with a half-amused, half-displeased expression before yawning. She wanted to scold him, to reject his oath and tell him that he was being an idiot, but that stupid little voice was in her ear whispering that she should have seen it coming. This was the same man who threatened to kill all of Diyoza's soldiers if she didn't let Clarke go. So instead of calling him names, Clarke sighed and offered him a tired smile.


	10. Ten

Clarke didn't think anything of Bellamy falling asleep on the couch, it was something she was used to, but she should have known that not everyone would think it was innocent. So when they joined the rest of their people after bidding The Commander and her council goodbye, it took Clarke a minute to realize why Raven and Octavia kept smirking at her, or why Murphy fake gagged at them. She decided that calling them out would only make it worse, so Clarke just ignored them, shaking her head at Bellamy when he shot her a questioning look. It was too early in the morning to deal with their friends teasing. The trek back to the Ark was long and by the time they walked through the gates, Clarke was ready to eat something and just retreat to her tent so she could get her thoughts in order. She wasn't expecting to be met with a crowd of people demanding answers; how silly of her to think she might get a few moments of alone time. During their time in Polis, word had spread that Jaha was no longer chancellor and the people were angry that they hadn't held a vote to elect a new leader. Clarke met her mother's concerned gaze and sighed before pushing her way through the sea of people over to the makeshift podium Jaha must have set up when Clarke had been trapped in Mount Weather. She could feel angry eyes on her back, and when she turned around to face them, Clarke wasn't surprised to see their skeptical glares.

"I'm only going to say this once, so listen carefully." Clarke started once the voices died down.

She stared into the crowd, making eye contact with as many people as she could while she waited for total silence.

"We are one people now, with each other, and with the Grounders. Last night I swore an oath to The Commander and in return she welcomed our people into her coalition, making us the thirteenth clan. We can live here in peace, under the protection of The Commander. If anyone has a problem with the decision I made, you are free to leave." Her voice rang out over the camp, sounding strong and sure.

"Who gave you the authority? You aren't the chancellor!" Someone from the audience shouted, receiving several hoots and head nods of agreement.

"When your chancellor sent one hundred kids, _your_ children, down here, not knowing if the Earth was survivable, he sent us here to die. We were alone, and we made do with what we had which wasn't much. My people, those kids, trusted me to keep them safe because we didn't have anyone else. I did what I knew would keep my people, _our_ people safe. So you're right, I may not be the chancellor, but I am in charge." Clarke finished, narrowing her eyes at the now stunned looking crowd.

No one spoke, people just glanced around uncomfortably for a moment, waiting for someone to protest...no one did. Clarke caught a glimpse of her friends near the back of the audience, and they were all wearing the same proud expressions; even Lincoln was nodding in approval. Once she was certain nobody had anything else to say, Clarke retreated to her tent and collapsed onto her cot with a frustrated sigh. It took a bit for her heart to slow down to a somewhat normal pace so she could relax and stare up at the drawings that covered her tent; Bellamy must have brought it from the dropship...she had yet to thank him for it. There was a lot of things she had to thank him for.

"That was quite the speech." Abby praised, snapping Clarke out of her thoughts.

Clarke offered her mother a half-hearted smile and sat up so Abby could sit down. Abby stroked Clarke's cheek before wrapping an arm around her daughter's shoulders and pulling her close; Clarke took a second to simply enjoy her mother's comfort.

"Honey I'm so proud of you, we all are...but are you sure you know what you're doing?" Her mother wondered softly, running her fingers through Clarke's hair.

"No mom, if I'm being honest I have no idea what I'm doing. All I know is that I can't screw this up, and it's my job to keep us all alive." Clarke admitted, feeling a twist of annoyance in her stomach. "And I know it's crazy, but I've seen how this all ends if I fail."

"Clarke you're just a kid, the weight of the world doesn't have to rest solely on you." Abby murmured.

"I stopped being a kid they day they floated dad." Clarke whispered before standing up and leaving her mother alone in her tent.

She wasn't sure where she was going, she just let her feet carry her around the camp as she slipped deeper and deeper into her thoughts. Maybe what she'd said had been uncalled for, but Clarke had a temper and she tended to say terrible things when she was that emotional. It hurt, knowing that her mother doubted her. There were so many things she could have said in response to that, she could have explained that being sent to the ground, with no assurance of survival, ended her childhood, or that becoming the leader of one hundred delinquents forced her to grow up faster than she should have, maybe it was closing the dropship door on Finn and Bellamy and killing three hundred Grounders in a ring of fire, or perhaps it was killing every single person in Mount Weather. While those things had forced her to become someone she no longer recognized, Clarke knew they weren't the moments that stole her youth. It wasn't that she was bitter, the anomaly gave her a chance to do things completely different and she had still chosen to lead her people, Clarke just wished that her people had a little more faith in her than they seemed to.

"Clarke!" Raven called from the Ark.

"What's wrong?" She demanded, following the mechanic into the Ark.

"Vincent, the guy that helped us get out of the mountain, is asking for you." Raven explained, leading her into the control room.

Clarke squared her shoulders and stopped in front of the large screen where Vincent Vie was waiting for her with a troubled look in his eyes. 

"I'm glad to see that you're well, I wish we were talking under better circumstances." Vincent stated, grimacing. "We can't talk long, I just needed to warn you."

"Warn us about what?" Clarke questioned, her stomach tightening itself into knots.

"My people aren't exactly happy that their chance at living on the surface was taken away, and a few members of the new council are planning to launch missiles in retaliation. One will hit Polis and the other will hit your camp. I have to go." Vincent explained, glancing over his shoulder nervously as the screen went dark.

Clarke heard Raven swear behind her, followed by the clicking of the keyboard; she was trying to hack into their system. Drawing in a steadying breath, Clarke nodded slowly and instructed Monty to send Lincoln to warn Lexa. She folded her arms over her chest as her mind raced thinking of a way to stop the attack. If Raven couldn't get in to shut the missiles down, they needed to come up with something. On the monitor beside her, Clarke saw that Raven had managed to hack into their security cameras and her eyes zeroed in on what appeared to be a council meeting. 

"Are you able to patch me through to that meeting?" Clarke asked Raven, pointing at the screen.

After a long, tense silence while Raven's fingers flew over he keyboard, the mechanic nodded and the faces of Mount Weather's council appeared on the screen. They all seemed very surprised to see Clarke, and she used their stunned silence to start speaking before they could shut off the computer.

"I think by now you all know who I am, and thanks to our security team keeping tabs on you, I know who all of you are." Clarke announced, watching their faces carefully. "I also know that you are in the middle of deciding to blow up my home as well as The Commanders, so I'm here to negotiate."

"You have nothing we want." One of the men growled.

"We both know that isn't true. You want to be able to leave your bunker, I have the means to help with that, but if you fire those missiles you kill everyone that can help you." Clarke reasoned, forcing herself to sound calm and unbothered.

The people from the mountain were arguing amongst themselves, some of them wanted to accept Clarke's offer, others wanted vengeance, one of the women even argued that they didn't deserve Clarke's help after what they did to her people. Beside her, Raven was pulling up Mount Weather's control room database and Clarke saw her click into the radiation regulator; her blood ran cold as Raven looked up and met her eyes. Out of the corner of her eye, Clarke saw Bellamy standing in the doorway, panic written all over his face as Raven told him to get everyone ready in case they needed to evacuate. Images of TonDC flashed through her head as she remembered the devastation the missile had caused there, and she made up her mind.

"Right now we have access to Mount Weather's radiation control. If our security system warns us of an incoming missile, I will irradiate the bunker. You have eight hours to decide." Clarke warned before motioning for Raven to cut contact.

The air around them seemed to have frozen, and neither Clarke or Raven wanted to speak; she had actually threatened to kill everyone in the mountain...again. Clarke's stomach twisted uneasily as the fear of actually having to follow through with it set in and her chest tightened painfully.

"Clarke...what if they call your bluff?" Raven voiced Clarke's worry out loud, turning to look at her friend with wide, uncertain eyes.

"Will our computers pick up an incoming missile?" Clarke asked instead of answering.

When Raven nodded, looking like she might be sick, Clarke dipped her head and hurried out of the Ark to find Bellamy. Was she really prepared to do it again? If they forced her hand, Clarke wouldn't have a choice. They might choose to negotiate, there was no need to stress until she had to; that was easier said than done.

The camp was frantic with people gathering supplies, preparing to evacuate if it came down to it. Clarke found Bellamy standing by the gate with Miller, Octavia, Monty and Jasper, their heads were close together as they talked, and there were guns slung over their shoulders. Octavia glanced up when Clarke approached them, her face was stony, like a warrior ready for battle.

"We'll split up. Octavia will take people to the dropship, Miller to the supply depot Clarke and I got the guns from, and Jasper will get as many people as he can into Clarke's art supply store." Bellamy instructed, meeting Clarke's eyes for a split second.

"What about you two?" Monty questioned, looking back and forth between Clarke and Bellamy.

"I bought us some time, hopefully Lincoln can get to Lexa and they can evacuate Polis. I'm staying to negotiate with the people of Mount Weather. I'll radio Bellamy once I hear from them, and you can start moving everyone out as discretely as possible, they have eyes on us and if they suspect something I doubt they'll hesitate to blow you all sky high. Raven and Monty are working on taking the missiles offline so they can't launch, but if Raven says go, you run. Got it?" Clarke kept her eyes on her boots as she spoke, but she saw her friends nodding out of the corner of her eye; everyone but Bellamy at least.

There was a short silence, and then the others set off to relay the plan to everyone else. Clarke could feel Bellamy watching her as he followed her back to the control room, frustration was rolling off of him in waves but she didn't turn to face him until Bellamy made a point of clearing his throat.

"Our people need you with them." Clarke ground out; somehow it felt like an all to familiar goodbye.

"You're not staying by yourself." He hissed, struggling to keep his composure.

Clarke lifted her head to glare up at him as he towered over her, and she saw genuine fear in his eyes; it threw her off for a moment. Bellamy was a lot of things, but he was never afraid...until now. Clarke flinched when Bellamy's hands closed around her wrists, desperate but still gentle, he stepped even closer to her, suddenly looking unsure.

"If anything happens to me, I know they'll be okay because they have you." Clarke reasoned with a small smile.

"I swore an oath-" Bellamy began to argue.

"I've lost so many people already...I can't lose you too, okay?" Clarke hated the way her voice cracked, making her sound weak.

Bellamy opened his mouth to protest, but he was cut off by Raven shouting a string of curses from around the corner. Clarke hurried to the mechanics side, heart racing, and saw that somehow Raven had gotten herself locked out of Mount Weather's defense system. They now had no access to the missiles, and it was likely that Mount Weather knew what they had been trying to do. Clarke met Raven's wide eyes and they shared a knowing look before the large screen lit up and Vincent's face was staring back at them.

"Get out of there now!" He huffed; it looked like he was running. "I was able to alter the coordinates of the missiles. It won't be a direct hit but you don't want to be anywhere near when it goes off."

"Put radiation suits on as many of the kids as you can, and get you and your daughter into one too." Clarke instructed before Raven switched off the screen.

There was a long, tense silence as the three of them processed what had just happened. 

"How long do you think we have?" Raven wondered, breaking the silence.

Clarke squeezed her eyes shut, she didn't know what to say. Mount Weather was going to attack. Clarke was going to have to irradiate the bunker. They had to start the evacuation, and there probably wasn't much time. She could pull the lever now, before their enemies had a chance to launch the missiles...but there was still children in that bunker. Was she really prepared to become Wanheda once again? Bellamy and Raven were talking, but there was a humming in Clarke's ears blocking out their words. The little voice in her head was screaming for her to stop stalling and do what had to be done, but memories of burnt and melted bodies flashed before her eyes. Was this always destined to happen?

"Go." Clarke heard herself say; her voice sounded hollow.

Raven hesitated for a second, and then she was pulling Bellamy with her while reminding him that everyone had a job to do and it was time for him to do his. Clarke was grateful for her. Drawing in a steadying breath, Clarke approached the control panel where yet another lever was waiting for her. One look at the computer screen said that everything was ready, all she had to do was pull it and it would all be over. Her hand was trembling as she reached out and gripped the cold metal, and she prayed that Vincent had been able to save at least some of the kids as the clicking of the lever being pulled filled the room. Tears streamed down Clarke's face and she stood there watching the security footage, watching more innocent people die. She knew what it felt like to be burned by radiation, and she knew that most of the people in the bunker didn't deserve the death she had chosen for them. The minutes ticked by, but Clarke couldn't take her eyes off of the screen; what had she done? Behind her, she heard someone enter the room but Clarke couldn't bring herself to face him, so she stared at the dead bodies until warm, strong hands lead her away from the computer and across the hall to the chancellor's office. He sat her down on the couch, careful not to jostle her too much; if she wasn't so numb, Clarke might have been irritated by how fragile he thought she was. Wanheda was not fragile, she couldn't afford to be. So she gave herself another few minutes to absorb the destruction she had caused, and then Clarke told Bellamy to give Raven the all clear. Bellamy didn't leave her side as he keyed the radio and murmured for Raven to tell the others it was safe to return, and when Clarke got up to go back to the control room, his eyes followed her out the door; she was thankful that he stayed away.

There was still no movement on the security cameras, only dead bodies, and Clarke felt her heart break as she realized that there were probably no survivors. She picked up the radio anyway and took a shaky breath before keying it.

"Is anyone there?" She asked, feeling her lip begin to tremble.

"Clarke..." Bellamy whispered, startling her.

"This is Arkadia calling Mount Weather, are there any survivors?" Clarke shook her head, feeling a lump rising up in her throat as she gripped the radio tighter. "Can anyone hear me? No, Bellamy-" She shouted, voice breaking pathetically when Bellamy pried the radio out of her hand.

"Clarke there's no one there." Bellamy murmured, trying to make her look at him.

But Clarke's eyes were on the bodies that were blurry now that tears were blocking her vision. She was supposed to fix everything, and now she was right back to playing God and deciding who lives and dies.

"What did I do?" She whispered as her knees started to shake. 

"You saved our people." Bellamy replied quietly.

Clarke opened her mouth but the only thing that came out was a breathless whimper; it felt like the air was being sucked from her lungs the longer she stared at the screens. _It was the only choice._

"It wasn't supposed to be like this...I was supposed to do better." She breathed, her legs were dangerously unsteady now.

As much as she had told herself that she would do it again if she had to, Clarke found herself wishing she would have just let the missiles hit them. She was a monster.


	11. Eleven

Clarke woke with a start, quickly blinking away the lingering nightmares and flicking hair out of her face with shaky hands. The world outside of her tent was quiet, except for the occasional pops of burning coals from the dying fires. She stayed in bed for a while, watching her tent get brighter as the sun came up and the sound of her people beginning the day replaced the silence. When Clarke finally decided to leave her tent, she was met with side glances and apologetic smiles as she made her way to the Ark; some people even thanked her for stopping Mount Weather from bombing them. She didn't deserve their thanks, not after what she had done. The chancellor's office was empty when she poked her head inside, so Clarke crossed over to the control room where she knew Raven would be working with Sinclair to shut down the earths remaining nuclear reactors before they melted down and destroyed the world.

They didn't even look up when Clarke came in, but Raven did shift her position so Clarke could see what they were doing; they hadn't gotten too far from the looks of it. The hint of frustration in the mechanic's voice confirmed Clarke's assumption, and she sighed with a slow nod before leaving Raven and Sinclair alone. It was time to discuss the bunker with the Bellamy and Lexa. Clarke felt her stomach twisting itself into knots as she thought about the potential outcomes of that conversation; would Lexa even listen to her? Would Bellamy? The little voice in the back of her mind scolded her for having such little faith in her co-leader, and Clarke shook her head in agreement; of course Bellamy would listen to her. She caught sight of him as she stepped outside, he was ducking into the medical tent with an armful of supplies that Clarke just knew had come from Mount Weather; she felt like vomiting.

"Clarke, the Commander is approaching the gate!" Miller called from his post, drawing her attention away from medical.

Clarke drew in a deep breath before making her way to the gate where Lexa and a few other Grounders were being let in. Lincoln met Clarke's eyes and her heart stuttered when she saw the barely masked concern on his face, and when she looked at Lexa, Clarke understood why. The Commander's face was void of all emotion, her cat-like eyes were dark and dangerous and when she greeted Clarke, her voice was cold and calculating. Clarke motioned for Lexa to follow her before instructing Miller to find Bellamy and send him to the meeting room; Gustus and Indra followed them wordlessly.

"Heda, it's nice to see you." Clarke murmured, gesturing for the Commander to take a seat.

Lexa didn't respond as her eyes tracked Bellamy while he entered the room and planted himself behind Clarke. Glancing over her shoulder, Clarke was able to see that he was tense and focused on the sword at Gustus's side. The silence stretched on a few more minutes as Lexa examined the room before letting her sharp gaze fall on Clarke.

"It is my understanding that you stopped Mount Weather from attacking Polis." The Commander arched an eyebrow at Clarke and tilted her head to the side, waiting for an explanation.

"They were going to send a bomb, two actually, in retaliation for us killing their President." Clarke answered with a nod. "There wasn't a lot of time, but I sent Lincoln to try and warn you to evacuate the city in case I failed to stop them."

"But you didn't fail, you were more than successful at eliminating the threat from the Mountain Men." Lexa quipped, appearing slightly confused when Clarke flinched as the memories of radiation burned bodies flashed in her mind.

Clarke heard Bellamy shift behind her, saw the way Gustus watched his every movement with dangerous eyes, like a predator stalking its prey. She turned her attention back to Lexa, leaning forward as she narrowed her eyes at the Commander earning a startled look from the woman.

"If you are here to kill me, to take my power, then get it over with. But leave Bellamy out of it." Clarke hissed, her eyes darting from Lexa to Gustus as they stared, wide eyed, at her.

Lexa sat perfectly still for a moment, watching Clarke. Clarke could see the wheels turning in the Commander's head when she lifted both hands in a dismissive motion.

"Both of you, leave us." She ordered Gustus and Bellamy.

The men looked like they wanted to argue, but one glance from Lexa and they both bowed their heads respectfully and left the room without a word. Once they were gone, the room was filled with a heavy silence as Clarke studied Lexa and the Commander regarded Clarke with a look of weary approval.

"I understand that what you did was done with the intention of saving the lives of our people, but not all of the clans are going to see it that way." Lexa finally murmured, meeting Clarke's eyes.

Clarke scoffed and shook her head. "You mean Azgeda won't see it that way."

There was a brief pause as Lexa dipped her head in a small nod, and Clarke felt her hands ball into fists as she glared at the woman across from her. Clarke's mind was racing as she tried to think of a way to set Lexa's mind at ease, to prove that she wasn't going to betray her; Clarke needed her if they were going to save everyone from Primfaya.

"Tell your people that you gave me the order." Clarke murmured, staring down at her hands with furrowed brows. "That you had a feeling the Mountain Men would be planning an attack, and you told me to deal with it."

"You want me to _lie_ to my people?" Lexa hissed, a dangerous look in her eyes.

Clarke stood up abruptly, causing the Commander to jump in surprise, and planted her palms firmly on the table as she leaned forward.

"I want you to say whatever you have to say to keep yourself in power! Queen Nia has a Nightblood, and she is just _waiting_ for you to screw up or get yourself killed; I can't let that happen. Right now, as we speak, there are nuclear reactors melting down all over the world and in a few months a _giant death wave_ of radiation is going to wipe us all out! I have bigger problems to deal with, Azgeda having something to say about Wanheda is the _least_ of my worries!" 

Clarke exhaled sharply and sunk back into her chair, suddenly feeling very tired. Across the table, the Commander was staring at her with wide eyes and her mouth slightly open as she processed everything Clarke had just told her. Perhaps if she wasn't so exhausted Clarke would regret her words, but it was all finally out in the open and now she wasn't going to be taking on the end of the world alone...hopefully.

Lexa was quiet for a while, and Clarke could practically see the other Commanders arguing inside her head, but she let the Commander take her time. Clarke just hoped that Becca was acting as the voice of reason, and that Lexa would listen to her. If they were going to save the human race, they needed to work together.

"For a girl who fell from the sky merely weeks ago, you seem to know an awful lot about things you shouldn't." Lexa remarked, arching an eyebrow at Clarke.

Clarke shrugged, a small part of her wishing that Lexa would just put her out of her misery, and rubbed the spot between her eyes. "It's my job to know things."

"Indra!" Lexa called, glancing over Clarke's head. "The Ice Queen has a Nightblood. _Find it._ "

******************************************

Clarke watched Lexa and her people leave Arkadia; she felt like she hadn't accomplished a damn thing. If Indra came back with Ontari, proof that Queen Nia was keeping a Nightblood to herself and that Clarke wasn't lying, Lexa and Clarke would sit down to discuss a solution for Primfaya. Clarke had tried to tell the Commander that there wasn't much time and that if they were going to potentially stop the death wave from happening, they needed to to start doing something about it right away, but Lexa wouldn't hear any of it. So Clarke was forced to settle for Raven and Sinclair continuing what they were doing, and praying to whatever God was out there that a miracle would fall into their laps. There was always the option to take over the Mount Weather bunker and just sit tight for the five years it would take for the Earth to be survivable again, but Clarke knew it would come down to making a list of who got to live and who had to die; she couldn't do that again. _You won't have to if you don't tell Lexa your plan._ The cold, emotionless voice in the back of her head made Clarke shudder as she realized that some cruel and selfish part of her wanted to do just that, to take the bunker for only her people and just be done with playing peace.

"Careful, you keep glaring at the ground like that you'll burn a hole in it." Bellamy warned, nudging Clarke's shoulder and causing her to jump.

He was looking at her the same way he had been looking at her since the night he'd vowed to be her protector, the same way he had looked at her when she had clutched his hand before going into the City of Light, and it made her lips turn up into a smile. His eyes were warm and he appeared relaxed which was odd, but Clarke found that she liked it and the light, easy smile he gave her in return chased some of the anxiety away.

"You look like you could use a break from this place." Bellamy pointed out as they made their way around camp.

"I could use a break from a lot of things..." Clarke sighed, earning a side glance from her co-leader.

"Come hunting with me?" He asked with a shrug. "You can pick herbs and stuff while we're out."

Bellamy stopped at the "armory" and grabbed a gun from the guard on duty and passed Clarke a pack. She wanted to say yes and just go hang out in the woods with Bellamy for the rest of the day, but there was still so much to do and she didn't have time to waste on fun little adventures. She had to come up with a plan to stop the death wave, or a plan to save her people if Raven couldn't stop it, a trade agreement still needed to be worked out between Arkadia and the other clans, and there was a million things that needed to be done in medical...although they were running low on that antibacterial seaweed.

Bellamy shook his head and sighed, planting his hands on his hips and fixing her with a stern stare. "Arkadia can manage without you for a few hours Princess."

Clarke bit her lip and glanced around the camp, tapping her foot as she argued with herself. Looking up at Bellamy she realized that he might very well just drag her out hunting with him no matter what she said.

"Alright, let's go." She smiled and motioned for him to lead the way.

They walked side by side into the woods, and the more distance they put between themselves and Arkadia, the more relaxed Clarke felt. There was the ever familiar and comfortable silence between them as they made their way through the trees, and Clarke was almost overwhelmed by the intense appreciation she felt for Bellamy. He somehow just understood in every situation what she needed, and he gave it to her without being asked, without complaining; Clarke wished she was more like him. Bellamy was _good_. Clarke snapped herself out of her thoughts and she blushed when she realized that he was several paces ahead of her and smirking over his shoulder. Clarke must have been staring at him. She shook her head and hurried to catch up, muttering an apology which only made Bellamy chuckle under his breath; thankfully he didn't say anything and just kept walking.

"The animals must have known we were coming." Bellamy grumbled when the dropship came into view.

They had been walking for a few hours, quietly creeping through the woods in hopes of coming across some game, but the forest was as silent as they were, and the only animals they had seen were squirrels and one scrawny looking bird near the creek. Clarke offered him a sympathetic half-smile and sighed as they stopped in front of their old home. The dropship stood there in the middle of the old camp, looking like a distant memory in the damp world around them. Clarke couldn't help but miss it, and after sneaking a glance at Bellamy, she knew he missed it too.

"Who knew that preparing for winter would end up being the least of our problems." Clarke murmured, eyes wandering over the structures of what used to be tents and food storages. 

Bellamy's eyes landed on her, gentle as always but enough of a weight for her to know that he was watching her, and Clarke heard him hum in agreement. He chuckled, bumping her shoulder with his, and Clarke let out a huff of air, the slight breeze ruffling her hair. She wished they could go back to how it was at the start, to only worrying about keeping their people alive and fed through the winter, and safe from the Grounders.

"You haven't said much about the mountain." Bellamy noted after a long, comfortable silence.

Clarke glanced over at him, her stomach tightening almost painfully, but Bellamy was digging through his pack...giving her time to think.

"What do you want me to say?" Clarke asked, voice suddenly hoarse.

"Are you okay?" Bellamy handed her a canteen, watching her with concern all over his freckled face.

Clarke blinked in surprise; once, twice, three times. She had killed everyone inside the mountain, but he was asking her if _she_ was okay. _Of course he is, he doesn't know how terrible of a person you are yet._ Clarke cleared her throat and took a big sip from the canteen, wincing when the fiery taste of moonshine exploded on her tongue, and then she took another mouthful before handing the canteen back to Bellamy. A laugh bubbled passed her lips, startling her, but she giggled again and shrugged with a frown.

"I'm alive." Clarke whispered after a moment.

"That's not what I asked..." Bellamy sighed, taking a drink.

Clarke only shrugged again and stuffed her hands into her pockets, digging the toe of her boot into the damp earth. She didn't know how to answer him; no one ever asked if Clarke was okay, Clarke was always fine. She always just survived and did what she had to do to keep the rest of them alive, and no one ever asked if she was alright because it was her job to be okay so the others didn't have to be.

"Do you trust me?" Clarke wondered, wiping moonshine off of her lips after taking another sip. "I mean with all the decisions I've been making."

Bellamy frowned at her. 

"Yeah, I do. I trust you."

Clarke nodded slowly, feeling the weight on her shoulders get a little easier to bear. Of course he trusted her, she was stupid for asking, but it was nice to hear out loud. She sighed and handed the alcohol back to Bellamy, feeling a moonshine related warmth spreading through her body that made her fingers and nose tingle.

"Thank you... for everything." Clarke whispered after a while.

Bellamy met her eyes and smiled, looking slightly surprised. He didn't respond, he simply leaned into her so their shoulders were touching and took a swig from the canteen. They stood like that for a long time, talking lightly about nothing in particular, until the afternoon light turned to evening and the temperature began to drop, and then with a sigh, Clarke and Bellamy started making their way back to Arkadia. It wasn't until they were strolling through the gates, four decent sized rabbits hanging from Bellamy's pack, that Clarke realized how long they had been gone...and how much of Monty's moonshine she had drank. She glanced over at Bellamy who had an easy going grin on his face, and he seemed unbothered which helped Clarke relax but then she caught sight of her mother as they were handing the rabbits over to the camp's designated butcher. A sinking feeling settled itself in Clarke's stomach as she locked eyes with Abby, and her mother's face took on a disapproving grimace.

"Well, that's my cue to leave..." Bellamy snickered, but Clarke snagged the sleeve of his jacket and shot him a dangerous look.

"You're the one who convinced me to leave camp and drink all day. If I have to deal with her, so do you." She hissed just as Abby stopped in front of them, arms folded over her chest.

There was a brief silence as Abby regarded both of them with what Clarke's drunken mind could only describe as a _mom look_ ; Bellamy stood still as a statue, appearing only slightly nervous under Abby's pinched glare. A memory from the Ark flashed through Clarke's head of her and Wells getting caught drinking some of her father's bourbon on Clarke's sixteenth birthday...her mother had been furious with them.

"How was hunting?" Abby finally asked.

Clarke fought the urge to exhale loudly and settled for a quiet sigh. "Not much game, but Bellamy's snares caught some rabbits and I picked up some herbs for medical."

For a moment it looked like Abby wanted to scold them, but after glancing over Clarke quickly, Clarke's mother offered her daughter a smile and she reached out to squeeze her arm.

"Happy birthday baby." Abby whispered, giving Clarke's arm one last affectionate squeeze before calling after Marcus and hurrying away.

Clarke blinked and frowned; it was her eighteenth birthday already? Bellamy chuckled and handed her the canteen of moonshine after taking a long pull from the bottle.

"Why didn't you tell me it was your birthday?" Bellamy wondered as Clarke took a sip.

"Honestly I forgot it was until now..." Clarke winced as the alcohol burned its way down her throat.

"We should celebrate." Bellamy's voice held an almost cocky tone of finality, and the grin he shot Clarke reminded her that this Bellamy was still so young.

Clarke felt her lips twitching into a smile as heat flooded her cheeks and she shook her head; what she needed to do was go to bed. But Bellamy was already hollering at Jasper and Monty about needing more moonshine, and Clarke had the slightest suspicion that Bellamy was the one who needed to let loose and be happy with the people they loved...who was she to deny him that? So despite the exhaustion that seemed to be permanently set deep in her bones and the worry of what tomorrow would bring, Clarke let herself grin and laugh, she let Bellamy drag her over to the fire where all of their friends were talking excitedly, and she held everyone an extra second longer when they pulled her in for a hug. Even Murphy, who Clarke had been certain was just biding his time until he could exact his revenge, slung an arm over her shoulder and grumbled a sarcastically thrilled _Happy Birthday_. It was a strange experience, having her old memories replaced by new ones as the night carried on. She still remembered the first time on the ground, but those memories were muted and harder to recall.

"You know what's funny?" Clarke slurred, stumbling backward when her foot snagged on Raven's boot. 

"How much fun you're having for once?" The mechanic snorted, arching an eyebrow and offering Clarke a hand up.

"I can have fun. I'm _fun_." Clarke laughed and rolled her eyes. "It's funny that I don't have a damn clue what I'm doing, and you guys still look at me like I'm so important."

"You are important Clarke." Raven sighed, shooting the blonde a reassuring smile.

Clarke shrugged and took another shot of moonshine, vaguely motioning to their friends who were starting to make their way to their tents.

"They're important." Clarke corrected her, pressing her index finger into Raven's shoulder. "You're important...You all have jobs to do, jobs that keep everyone safe."

"And you think you don't?" Raven wondered, turning to face Clarke.

" _I_ get people killed- or, I used to." Clarke tilted her head up so she could stare at the stars, feeling guilty for dragging Raven into her pity party.

Clarke heaved an obnoxious sigh and bumped her hip with Raven's. "I think it is way passed my bed time."

The mechanic laughed and nodded her head in agreement. Clarke watched her friend take Finn's hand and bid the last few people standing a suggestive goodnight before dragging Finn away from the fire and the teasing whistles of their friends. A few minutes later Clarke decided that she definitely needed to get some sleep, and after dodging Jasper's suggestion to play some weird sounding drinking game, Clarke was able to quietly slip away from the fire. She didn't make it very far though when a familiar deep voice called after her followed by the sound of footsteps and then Bellamy was at her side.

"I thought you went to bed." Clarke remarked, smiling up at him.

"I did, but Raven and Finn's tent is by mine..." 

Clarke burst out laughing as she understood what he was getting at; taking a closer look at him, Clarke saw that his curls were wild from being slept on and there was some sleep crust in the corner of his one eye. Bellamy walked with Clarke in comfortable silence, keeping a gentle grip on her elbow after Clarke nearly tripped on her own feet. Now that she wasn't surrounded by the laughter of drunk kids, Clarke didn't feel intoxicated...just wobbly and very tired. Bellamy rolled his eyes when she told him as much and used his finger to push her into her tent; proving his point when Clarke lost her balance and landed on her butt.

"Rude." Clarke muttered, tugging her boots off and tossing them at a smirking Bellamy.

"Did you have a good night at least?" Bellamy wondered, plopping down on Clarke's bed after lighting some candles and neatly tucking the blonde's boots under the small wooden table.

Bellamy was flipping through her sketchbook when Clarke turned to face him and panic surged through her body; there was nothing in there that he shouldn't see...it just felt like she was very exposed for some reason. So Clarke stood there awkwardly while Bellamy looked through her drawings. She splashed some water on her face and took a large gulp of water from her canteen; relieved when it helped clear some of the fog from her head, and she crossed the small space to gently take the book out of his hands. Clarke cleared her throat uncomfortably and offered him a sheepish shrug as she set the sketchbook on the table; there were a lot of him in there and it was kind of embarrassing that he had seen them. She knew that if she wasn't drunk she probably wouldn't care as much.

"It helps me relax." Clarke explained, making a shooing motion so Bellamy would scoot over.

"That's why you're always staring at me huh?" Bellamy teased, shooting her a smirk.

Clarke felt her face heat up but she simply scoffed and shook her head. She would never admit that the reason Clarke drew him so much, was because she never wanted to forget what he looked like...if something ever happened to him. The thought made her stomach tighten painfully, and Clarke shoved it to the back of her mind. She couldn't picture a world without him in it. _These are dangerous thoughts to be having right now Clarke._ The little voice scolded and Clarke let out a sigh, resting her head on Bellamy's shoulder. Clarke groaned, pushing herself up off the bed and fixing Bellamy with a pointed look. All she wanted to do was take her pants off and crawl under the covers before a new day started but she couldn't really do that with him in her tent. Well, she could... Bellamy looked as exhausted as she felt, and it wasn't until Clarke reached down to unbutton her pants that he seemed to get the hint. His cheeks turned bright red, the blush spreading all the way down his neck, and Bellamy jumped to his feet. He shuffled in the middle of her tent for a moment, muttering an apology.

"Stay..." Clarke caught his wrist as he was turning to leave.

She wasn't asking him to stay for any reason other than she just didn't want to be alone, but her voice was husky and breathless, and her face was on fire. Why was she being so weird about it? It wasn't like they hadn't fallen asleep in each others presence before, Hell he'd even stayed in her room after the Summit. _You're asking him to share a bed with you, idiot._

Bellamy's eyes were wide when he turned to look at her, a few conflicting emotions played across his face before he nodded slowly. Clarke drew in a deep breath and exhaled slowly, not missing the fact that her fingers were still wrapped around his wrist; she let go with a breathless chuckle. Bellamy politely looked away while she removed her pants and quickly climbed under the blankets, but from his side profile, Clarke could see that he was smiling. Of course he wasn't wearing a shirt underneath his jacket, and Clarke tried not to ogle at his bare chest too much as Bellamy blew out the candles before hesitantly laying down beside her. 

It took them a minute to get comfortable, the cot was small and Bellamy was not a small person, but after a few moments of trying to be conscious of personal space, Bellamy muttered _screw it_ and pulled Clarke snug against his chest. Clarke tried not to think about how easily they fit together as she drifted off to sleep.


End file.
